Car seat cacophony

Sigh. It seems every time I get back in a mellow groove, free of Mommy Wars drama, there's an updated news release or headline that fans the flames.
Today, the AAP released it's newly updated carseat recommendations for American kids and parents. With it has come an uproar in self-styled educational advocates, out to show just how ignorant the masses truly are.
Lately, that has become my biggest pet peeve. Snark, superiority, and general nastiness all wrapped up in the guise of "educating other moms, so if even 1- just one!- changes their ways, it was all worth it". Sigh. Anyone else tired of it all?
Perhaps it's because there is not a single issue or hot topic that gets me in a tizzy. I can't honestly think of anything that I'm passionate about...at least to the degree most of my friends are. Or maybe it's because I find that way too many of my recent parenting choices have been made out of fear- fear of being torn up and lit on fire by my fellow moms, fear of being criticized on the streets, and fear of forever screwing up my kids. Whatever it is, "armchair advocacy" is getting my goat in a major way.
It never occurred to me how bad it was until I realized I'm afraid of bringing Ladybug in public. Because of the zeal I've seen in moms correcting others, I worry someone will have something to say to me about any number of things, but her car seat is my prime concern. I've seen mothers "educate" strangers online, on blogs, and Facebook pictures. I know I do not have it in me to show grace, "be educated", and not burst into tears if I am confronted. Let's face it, those sort of things are never done in love. There's always at least a small air of superiority when it comes to parenting issues.
So there's no real point to this post, I guess. Just expressing my frustration with extreme motherhood these days. What do you think? Can advocacy go to far, or is it worth alienation in the name of education?

Til next squeak,

The view from here

There was once a time in my life when I'd would just talk a person's ear off, especially if I was going through some emotional turmoil.
These days, I find myself withdrawing and turning to nothing in particular. It's an odd place to be. Sitting at the 'puter and staring blankly at the screen all day has not been fun.
I keep thinking of the trip to Disney World my family took back when I was 11 or 12 years old. When our plane reached Atlanta, we spent over an hour circling the airport. Why? Nasty storms had descended upon the area but from our vantage, things looked more or less fine.
Perhaps that's what is going on in my life now. Maybe God has me in a holding pattern because from where I sit, I can't see the storms He's protecting me from. I'd imagine we've all seen that bumper sticker that reads "God is my co-pilot". What a strange thing to feel in action though.
There's been so very much on my mind and my heart lately that I can't find the words for. Everything seems to have been put on pause for now. I'm not sure why God has chosen to leave me in this spot, waiting. The part of me that continually struggles to grow in faith feels like an abandoned child. The other part of me, the part that speaks in cool tones of reason, tells me that Father knows best, and much like that plane trip of long ago, sometimes the weather isn't always as peachy as it would seem to be.
I don't know about you, but there are times I wish I could see clearly from God's spot on the tarmac. You would think the view from up here would be so much more enthralling. But once you're above those clouds, well, that's all you see. You need your man on the ground to bring you in safely. You've got to trust in his judgement, no matter how you may long to land that bird and go have a glass of wine.
I'm still clinging to the hope that some day, God will tell me to come on down from above these as-yet-unseen-by-me storm clouds. The view from here is getting bland and tiring. Til then though, there's not much to do but wait on instructions from my Man on the ground.

Til next squeak,

I heart Norman Gentle!

I'm not ashamed. I am totally in love with another man. I heart Norman Gentle!


There is just no way you can't love this guy. Srsly. If nothing else, he has certainly put a smile on my face these last few weeks. I've always said my state (CT) produces a certain kinda strange. Thanks for proving my theory Nick!
As a side note, did you guys see just how ticked off his dad looks at first? Yowsa. Now that's great. Makes ya wonder about those behind the scenes convos.

Til next squeak,

Well, that was quicker than expected.

Well, that was quick. I'm done with the basic outline of the board.

Here we go.
http://christianmomsunited.freeforums.org/

Go check it out if you're interested. See ya there.

Til next squeak,

Oh baby, it's on!

So I've decided to do it. Yup, I'll be starting my own message board/forum for Christian mothers.
God, what am I thinking?!
I've gotten a tremendous amount of positive feedback from friends, and I think it has the potential to be something wonderful. Right now, I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed with all that needs to be thought of when designing your own place. I'm hoping to have it up and running within the week.
So, stay tuned for the addy! I'm hoping that many of you will be able to join us. It should certainly prove to be interesting, if nothing else.



Til next squeak,

Now where'd that ball gag come from?!

Yeah, it's awfully hard to "speak your mind" when you've got one of those bad boys shoved down your throat. Ya know, metaphorically speaking.

When you're like me, admitting that you have conservative friends is kinda like admitting you have a "funny uncle". Everyone looks at you all weird-like and you can tell they kinda wonder to themselves, "How much influence does Uncle Chester have on her?"

Ok, bad analogy, but how about this:

Conservative + Christian = "the norm" (we're just establishing some baselines here...in this case, "the norm" refers to the Christian community, not necessarily society as a whole)

Then what about this:

Liberal + Christian = ????

From what I've experienced, most liberal leaning people are not terribly religious, or at least not of the Christian faith. Now, I myself am a religious Christian who is damn liberal and damn proud. However, when most people think of Christians and their political bent, they think "conservative douche bag". I 2nd that emotion.

Not many of us religious Christians now fit into the liberal ideologies. We are indeed a rare breed these days. But the way you hear the conservatives talk, we're taking over the world and packing it all off in a pretty hand basket straight to Hell.

I've come to the conclusion that most conservatives will whine non-stop about not having any safe arena to air their views (i.e. give each other nice lil back slaps for being so conservative, and of course, oh so Christian) without getting attacked by fetus-eating, gay-orgy-having, pulling-the-prayer-outta-schools-so-we-can-preach-hedonistic-sex-based-baby-killing-slap-your-great-grandma-agendas liberals. Did I mention that we are, of course, never truly Christians as well? I guess we're not doing a good job as a whole of hiding those zippers on the back of our sheep costumes as we initially thought.

What these Christians do not realize is that us liberal Christians have no where to call home, except amongst each other. We're clearly not Christian enough to be around our conservative counterparts, and we're too damn Christian (and thus, too likely to flip to the douche bag side) to be around our non-Christian liberal cohorts. So what do we do?

I imagine a lot of the DBers would say, "Pray! God will show you that your ways are wrong *cough, cough* and you'll be able to learn about what Christianity really means to your daily life and the choices you make if you'd just let Him in!"

You know. Because of course, our choices are not prayed upon at all, nor are they well-thought out and carefully considered.

All that to say that I'm deeply considering starting my own message board for us liberal Christian mamas. We need a safe place to call home as much as the next person, whether the other side sees it or not.

Now someone please get this damn ball gag outta my mouth!

Til next squeak,

Final results

I'm weird and just thought I'd share how my carpal tunnel surgery turned out in the end.

Here's a pic from yesterday, 36 days post-op:

All healed, and fully functional. Hmmm. That sounds like something that Bobbit fella would've said, huh? Doh.

Til next squeak,

A complex complex

I've been told I have an inferiority complex. Yeah, no kidding.

So, having recently joined Facebook, that dubious joy of a site that allows you to find more people than you ever thought you'd lost track of, that ol' "gosh I'm a loser" blues really set in.
Honestly though, after finding an abundance of people (some I got along with, others I didn't, a few I hated) and seeing how successful they are, or how much they've changed, it's hard to not feel like a tool.
After all, I still live here in town. Actually, I live 2 blocks from where I grew up. I don't have any nifty careers to report. In fact, I don't work at all. I've got that distinct combo of letters attached to me that seems to others like an infectious disease- SAHM. I married a man who went to the rival high school. We met at a gas station. Nothing wildly fascinating to report there. We have 2 sons, and they currently attend the elementary school that I went to long ago. Being the low-brow, low-income shmucks we are, of course I'm hoping for more kids. We live a very simple life.
So last night, I went to bed feeling out of sorts. The boys were at my ILs for the weekend, and Mr. P. and I had a quiet night at home. Typically, I would add that kinda night is just how I like it. But today? Today I wonder how much is lacking in me.
Anyway, I've never been the sort to believe in things like prophetic dreams or the like, but I do think God talks to us whenever He can. If that happens to be our dreams (because we're too worked up and boneheaded during our waking hours to hear Him), so be it. Last night, God gave me a lesson in contentment.
We've all seen Back to the Future, right? Any geek will tell you, time travel is dangerous stuff. Change the past and you risk changing the present. But would you really want to change things? Seriously. Think about that for a sec. And remember the phrase, "The grass is always greener on the other side."
I dreamt last night that both Mr. P. and I had a chance to go back to our late high school days, and get a do-over. And not just like in a sci-fi book. We both knew and remembered each other, the life we shared, our kids, everything. Powerful stuff, let me tell you. Next thing I knew, there I was, in my old high school. Disturbing to say the least. All the people I had been grousing about, right there all over again. And yet, so much was missing. I was 15 again, but my heart ached for my husband. When could I go back home to our kids? What about all the things we needed to get done in the next few days? And then it hit me. Maybe Mr. P. wasn't feeling the same longing I was. Maybe he was deciding to take a different path.
Sitting through high school classes in a dream world. Meh. I never liked it the first time through in real life. Then lunch came. I tried to talk to my friends about what was going on. They asked if I needed to go to the nurses office and lay down for awhile. After classes were over, heading out to the bus, I stepped out instead to bright light.
And then I woke up.
Thank God.
When the Lord wants your attention, He'll get it, make no mistake about that.
While I was downstairs making my coffee and toast, I had time to enjoy the silence of the morning. Thinking about that wildly disturbing dream, I realized that although my life may not be what anyone around us wanted for us, it's all I could hope for. My kids are here and healthy. My husband and I have a great marriage. Yes, we may have a simple life, but it's more than enough for us. God gave us to each other, and gave this life to us for His purposes and for our blessing. While I may from time to time feel inferior in comparison to my contemporaries, I can rest in the knowledge that God doesn't look at us as "less than". He chose to give us so much "more than" either Mr. P. or I ever dreamed.
Take that, complex!

Til next squeak,

Who planned that trip?

I've always been the type to get all reflective (inflective? inflictive? infected? bah.) at the close of the year. Perhaps it's because of the wild ride my life has oftentimes been. (heheh Mr. P., stole your blog title) Regardless, in years previous, I've kept my observations of the year to myself, but this year, I have the Maze! w00t! That means now I have all of you to annoy with my dorkitude.

---

This year has been interesting to say the least. For one thing, I've managed to blog for a whole year! Yay! I don't stick with much for long so that really is saying something. When I set out in this Maze, I thought somewhere in the back of my mind that it wouldn't last long because I'm not the writer in the family. Mr. P. has always been the one with the passion for the written arts. I discovered that I enjoy this thing called blogging more than I ever dreamed I might. Lucky for you huh?
Part of the dubious joys of blogging has been watching my inner (and often very hidden) self come through and grow. I'm not the person I was at the beginning of the year, and that's both good and bad. With me, it's always been a 1 step forward, 2 steps back proposition. As I get older, I find that assessment holds even more weight.
Speaking of weight, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have joined a gym. <---- gotta love this! I'm looking forward to heading back, now that I have clearance from my surgeon.
Another great segue! Having surgery this year was certainly not in my plans back in January, but I'm grateful for it now. Each day feels like a renewed blessing. Corny to be sure, but very true. It's amazing how you can adjust to long-term pain, but then can quickly forget just how bad it was once you've been set free of it.
Being set free...reminds me of how far I was coming in my faith at the start of the year, and how far I've fallen now. That ol' 1-2 step thing again. In my short time as a Christian, I've had to face many personal demons, and it seems this wacky election year brought many old issues up again for me. Aside from all the ridiculous bickering and BS in the months leading up to Election Day, many of the issues that come with a POTUS race force one to define how they look at the world, and thus in turn, what kind of person they are or hope to be. For those of us with a religious bent, it becomes so much more. It's enough to make you want to not be a grown-up anymore.
Growing up. Ahh. Not only has it been bittersweet to watch my boys grow by leaps and bounds this year, but to find myself feeling like an adult for the first time as well. It's a strange thing for me, and one of the few remaining psychological strongholds my father had on me.
Parents. Meh. Actually, this year has been a defining one for me as a mother. Now I look at my kids in a new light, and hopefully, any other kidlets that come along will help me along this road. The boys have really helped refine me, and challenge me as a mother and person. This year has been the first since their return home that I did not look at our home life and think only of how lacking it was.
Home. As far as 4 letter words go, that's about the best in my mind. This year has been one of tremendous growth and change in our home, and in my marriage. Mr. P. and I have finally figured each other out, and gotten this lil sapling of marital bliss to put down roots. After being rocked by the storms life has thrown our way, it's so good to be where we are. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I know back at the beginning of this journey into blogging, I shared my heart's verse.

Proverbs 16:9- In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Looking back, it's pretty clear that He had a different path planned out for me than I did. I can only guess at what 2009 may have in store for us. Lord willing, it'll be just as inspiring and exciting as this one was. For all it's frustrations and fears, highs and lows, 2008 has been a year like no other. I'm glad this trip wasn't all that I planned it to be. His steps were far better than mine.

Til next squeak,

A lil punch for the New Year

Punch...as in, I've been feeling punchy lately. And somehow, that just got worse. Waa-a-a-a-a-a-ah! My Smiley Central is on the fritz!

Ok, now that that's out of my system...
You'll notice, Dear Squeakers, that the Maze is sporting a New Year's theme. Poor Mousie, his office party got a little out of control this year. After all, no one pimps it like Mousie.
Also, the music on my player may not be within many of your tastes. That's fine, I don't take offense so long as you don't. Simply hit pause on the thing. That's why I keep my player right at the top of my blog. Handy dandy, is it not? The songs this time around are ones that I love to shake-a mah bootay to. (shake-a shake-a Mr. P.)
All in all, my blog often reflects my mood. And unfortunately for the blogosphere, when I'm moody, things around here get odd.
Hopefully with any luck, I'll shake my punchiness off soon and can get back to sweet innocent lil ol me. ;) If not, I've got plenty of punch to ring in the New Year with.

Til next squeak,

On the 6th day...

of post-op, my stitches sent to me...


a nasty lil pic to share with you all.



Til next squeak,

Paw praises and updates!

Well, all went well. Beyond anyone's expectations! I'm thanking God for being with me today, and providing for the ideal (dare I say...perfect?) surgical experience. Actually, if I weren't so stoned on percs right now, I'd be dancing with joy.
Aside from feeling like I have a normal human hand again, the very best part was being treated delightfully human. Until you've had the horrible experience of being treated like nothing more than monstrous numbers on a scale, it's hard to imagine just how grateful I am to my medical team at UCONN right now. I somehow doubt they often get patients weeping with gratitude as soon as they wake up.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, Dear Squeakers. Keep 'em coming as this first week post-op will prove to be challenging.

Til next squeak,

What did I get myself into?

Well, today's the day. I'm leaving in about an hour for my surgery. While I'm excited at the prospect of not living in pain anymore, I'm nervous about the recovery. I've never been the type to rely on others for help in my personal care, and unfortunately, these next few days will leave me no choice.
I'm also wondering now just what have I gotten myself into. Those ol' demons of self-doubt are raging like you wouldn't believe. I didn't realize just how much of my life I'd put on hold because of my paw. And now? Once I'm healed, I'll have no more ready made excuses.
Ruh-roh.
So, all that to say that these next 2 weeks should be interesting. Well, interesting in that I'll be learning more about myself, and what I'm capable of. Am I capable of letting my loved ones care for me as I've often cared for them? Am I capable of truly trusting God as I have longed to for awhile now? Am I ready to start this new chapter of my life?
In case you're wondering, I'm not actually nervous about the procedure itself. After years of living with these hand/wrist/arm issues, it'll be pure relief to have it done and over with. Somehow, God has given me a healthy dose of that ol' peace that surpasses understanding about all of the actual slicing and snipping. (mmmm sounds great huh?) With how swiftly this was all orchestrated, I trust that it's in His hands.
So Dear Squeakers, I'll keep you updated as often as I can. Until then, enjoy your holiday shopping, and preparing for this glorious season of love and goodwill.

Til next squeak,

Paw...your days are numbered!

Mwuhahahahaha! Dear Right Paw, soon you will be sliced open and violently rearranged!
Mwuhahahahaha!

In case you can't tell, I'm formally announcing my surgery date!
I'm so excited to finally be getting this stinkin' carpal tunnel syndrome taken care of!
I had my orthopedic appointment on this past Wednesday, and the doc greatly surprised me by getting me in for the surgery ASAP. Like Monday kinda ASAP.
So, my Dear Squeakers, after noon on Monday, I'll be out of commission for a bit until Doc Rodner gives me clearance to type again. By the time I'm back, I'm sure we'll have much to talk about.

Til next squeak,

Stuffed with gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving, Dear Squeakers!
Today, I have much to be grateful for. God has blessed us here tremendously in this last year.
Speaking of which, doesn't it seem like 2008 just flew by? Crazy, huh? It really floors me to think that 9 years ago, Mr. P. was hoping I'd show up at the Turkey Bowl. Or 8 years ago, we were expecting Monkeyman and preparing for Mr. P.'s knee surgery. Or 7 years ago, it was MonkeyMan's very first holiday season. Then again, 6 years ago, it was our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife, and Tank was on the way. Hmmm. So 5 years ago, it was Tank's first Thanksgiving and man, that was a hard year.
Then 4 years ago, we didn't even bother. The kids were in foster care, and we were all alone. That year sucked.
3 years ago, things started getting better. The boys were back home for the holidays.
But then, things got worse. 2 years ago, we were going through the divorce and hated each other so much.
Finally, last year, God started working real miracles for us.
Last year, we started to really fall in love again. What a year!
And now this year? Well, we have so much to be grateful for.

I hope all of you can look back and see many things that bring a smile to your face today. I pray that you are all enjoying the holiday, and making many new memories.
After 9 years with Mr. P., there's one thing that's sticking with me today. I'm quite stuffed with gratitude for all the things we've survived, and all that we'll face in the future.



Til next squeak,

If you thought society was doing just fine...

You may just change your mind after reading this.

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-world-europe/20081117/EU.Britain.New.Word/

Granted, I use "meh" quite a bit myself, and I'm one of those world class geeks who really does lolspeak BUT "meh" isn't worthy of dictionary status. C'mon people.
Kinda makes you wonder what we'll see in about 15 years time.

Til next squeak,

This is a rant. This is only a rant.

WARNING: If you are conservative in any way, shape, or form, I HIGHLY recommend skipping this post. Or if you're sensitive to foul language, because I make no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it rated G. Actually, unless you're a commie liberal freak like me, just stop right here. No good can come of it, except for you choosing to send me a nice pipe bomb for Christmas, or perhaps some kind of scathing comment.
Speaking of comments, I think I won't be publishing any on this post. After all, it's only a rant.

---

I'm so done with people. Just call me Mrs. Hermit. Mostly, I'm done with conservatives, but particularly conservative Christians. (sorry to roughly 85% of my readership...can't say I didn't warn ya not to read this post!)
Ever since Election Day, my conservative McCain-anite counterparts have been more or less unbearable. Now, I'll allow that President-Elect Obama did not have my vote either, however there are certain things about politics that Christians need to come to terms with:
(emphasis mine)
Romans 13
Submission to the Authorities
1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

And then here:

1 Timothy 2
Instructions on Worship
1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Ok c'mon people. How about instead of all the complaining, the posturing, the self-righteous indignation...
We do as the Lord asks.
~Whoa. Back that truck up.~
Yeah I know, how dare I. But I do.
If I had a buck for every time I've heard something to the effect that now is our nation's time of judgement, or someone "questioning" Mr. Obama's Christianity, I could take my fam and buy a nice lil island somewhere. Ah peace and quiet.
It's time to get real, folks. Either live out your faith, or shut up. Stop grandstanding like a pouting 3 year old who didn't get his lollipop, and do what the Bible tells you to. And no, praying for Obama's assassination does NOT count, asswipe.
Aside from all the politalk, it all boils down to this: conservatives know they're better/righter/godlier than the rest of us. But I ask, is that true? If they show they can't do much more than run their mouths after a defeat, really, how much better are they? Isn't that the kinda behavior us liberal bastards are supposed to indulge in?
Ah but I digress. So much to rant about, so little caring.
The truth of the matter is when I face the Lord at my demise (hopefully not by holiday pipe bomb), I'll probably be one of those wanna-be Christians who are turned away. May as well tell the truth and shame the devil as they say. But the flip side of that is that I just cannot bring myself to be more like them. I used to want that. Hell, I used to try to behave like that, think like that, talk like that. It worked for maybe 4 months before I became increasingly disgusted with myself.
I won't say I'll never be one of those conservative types. When it comes to God and what He can do, I've learned to never say never. I will say that I'm praying to never have my head shoved so far up my butt that I'm incapable of having compassion for anyone around me, or getting crazy-frothing-at-the-mouth offended at every single thing that's not within my definition of morality. Lord, please! If He decides one day that I need to be hopping on the conservative Christian bandwagon, hopefully He'll grant me the grace to remember where I've come from so that I can retain the characteristics I hold dear. If not, well, hopefully someone (Mr. P.) will flame me in a blog rant.
After all, it's only a rant.

Til next squeak,

Miss Muffet I ain't

Spiders. Bleck.

When you live in the ghetto, you find 'em everywhere. And when it's 1 am, you can't really shriek over it. OK, so I really shriek over the 8-leggers, but anyway, I digress.

1:30 this morning, I'm in the bathroom. Think of it as my tuffet. It sets the scene nicely.
Minding my own business, a SPIDER decides to invade my bleary-eyed privacy by crawling on my bathtub. I can't scream for Mr. P. or 1 of the kids to come save me. No, it's all up to me to save the day. Well, night in this case.
So I grab the nearest potential spider-killer...a can of silver sparkles temporary hair color.
Crap.
I can't really hit it with my kids' hair color (ewwwwww!) but I can spray it to death! Mwuhahaha!
I spray the nasty bugger but to no avail. Now I have a decidedly shiny creepy crawler running all over my bathtub.
Double crap.
Ever get stuck sitting on a toilet at 1:30am, trying to kill a spider with hair color? If not, let me tell you that strange things will run through your head. Like, "Is this how emo or goth kids kill bugs? Hmmm. Nah, they probably keep 'em as pets. Or eat 'em. Something strange, no doubt." Or, "This is the way we kill our bugs, kill our bugs, kill our bugs."
Argh.
Time to clean up and take care of this spidey lil menace.
So in the end, several little bathroom cups of hot water dumped in the tub did the job. I left a nice surprise for Mr. P. to clean up this morning.
Oh yeah, Miss Muffet I ain't.

Til next squeak,