Monday Meme

It's been quite a long time since I've done one of these. So long that when a friend mentioned she was getting a meme up and running, my first thought was "Hey, I used to meme along with Cat! Why'd I ever stop doing that anyway?" So, conveniently, it's Monday, and here's the meme!
1) When were you most selfish? Least selfish? Hmmm, I don't know if I've ever been selfish enough to earn a selfish bitchcake, but then again, perhaps I have. My best guess would be any time I steal the Xbox 360 when Mr. P. or the kids want it. And that's at least a few times a week. Least selfish? Each and every time I deal with my in-laws.
2) Who is the best person for you to talk to when you have the blues? My hubby, hands down. He always makes me laugh, or at least gives me a furry shoulder to cry on.
3) Do you ever take naps during the day? I'm a lazy SAHM. Need I say more?
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.

It makes me think of all the times I have to tell the boys to get stuff out of their mouths. A+ parenting huh?

Til next squeak,

Under construction

Ummm...

So, I'm changing some things up. Clearly. If any of you have linked to me on your blogs, please let me know so I can do the same for you here. I've lost track of everything as I've been taking time off. Thanks everyone!

Til next squeak,

Fertile ground

I'm infertile. I have a hard time saying that, even now. I know it in my head, but my heart screams out denials. When I first threw in the towel, followed God's prodding, and adopted quiverfull ideals (I'm still loathe to say "convictions"), I assumed I'd become pregnant shortly thereafter. Ha. I guess God had a lot more to show me than just trusting Him for my family size.
Hebrews 11:39,40. This just jumped out at me this week at the grocery store, of all places. (iPod apps are wonderful for this sort of thing)

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.
God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

If you are at all familiar with this chapter, you'll know that it's commonly referred to as the Hall of Faith (or sometimes Hall of Fame) chapter. Hmmm. Among many things us Christians tend to believe in the Bible, one of the biggies is that all God's promises are for us. After reading this chapter, particularly those verses, I'm sure that's not the case.
It's been 2 years now that I've been hoping, praying, and waiting on God to give us a new baby. About 8 months ago, I started to really question myself. Just what was it about me that God hated so much that He wouldn't bless me? Was it this? Was it that? Was it because of this thing I once did, or that thing I'd never do? Why wasn't He fulfilling His promise? What did I do wrong?
In the last 2 months though, God has worked amazing miracles in my heart. He's changed my way of thinking in subtle but stunning measures. He's lifted me from the depths of depression. Mostly, He's given me a compassionate heart where once there was stone. So much of these blessings would never have come if I were not infertile. Had I not been so broken, He couldn't have had the raw material with which to build me up.
Maybe God's promises to bless by opening the womb are not for me. Who knows. But I have learned that a broken heart can provide the Lord with surprisingly fertile ground for other, even more miraculous promises.

Til next squeak,

Top 10 Summer Moments

My regular readers will notice a new label that this post falls under. Today I joined a friend's message board and she has a whole section just for us bloggers! Now how cool is that?
So, this week's assignment is the top ten of summer. Here goes nothing!
1) I finally finished a real knitted project. Not a potholder. Not a test square. A real handwarmer. In soft army green wool. With ribbing! Squeeee!
2) Going to Red Robin with my sisters-in-law. Adult conversation without my kids spilling ketchup on my sleeve was awesome.
3) Hanging out with my long time friend Anna yesterday. God knew I was in need of a friend who understood me beyond just "teh intertubes", and her timing was perfect. Gossip and catching up over burgers is always a wonderful thing.
4) Seeing Disney/Pixar's UP with the kids. Summer movie madness baby.
5) Just hanging out with my boys each day. It's been refreshing to take it slow for awhile after the rush of the school year.
6) Housewarming party at my SIL's place. All family, and no fighting. How perfect is that?
7) Kid-free week with my devoted hubby. Just to spend time together has really recharged my batteries.
8) Getting off the TTC roller coaster. Yeah, sounds kinda strange, but emotionally, I'm so much stronger now that I'm putting God back where He belongs. I think having my boys home from school really let me see just how blessed I am and took away so much of the sting of infertility.
9) Finding out my high blood pressure is gone. Now that's a great moment no matter what time of year it happened!
10) Planning for the start of school. We're all excited about the new school year, and all the possibility that comes with it.

Til next squeak,

Swimming upstream

I'm a mother. I'm a Christian. I'm praying my 2 sons will grow to be strong in Christ. Frankly, I think any mom who is in Him would have that as a priority. Unfortunately, these days there's a battle brewing. It's a Mommy War out there.
Mainstream vs. AP. Crunchy vs. soggy. Vaccinations vs. non-vaxxers. Breast vs. bottle. Cloth vs. disposable. Public school vs. private school vs. homeschool. Young moms vs. older moms. Moms of young kids vs. moms of older kids. Moms of 1 kid vs. moms of many. God help us all, it never ends. Any parenting issue you can think of, women can fight over it. Think lunchtime is a total non-issue? Guess again. My blue boxed mac and cheese vs. her homemade, all natural, organic, whole grain mac and vegan cheese substitute.
Believe me, I wish I was joking. We moms pay lip service to the whole "as long as they're loved and cared for, that's all that matters" notion. The truth is that if we're not getting in each others' faces about any issue under the sun, we're talking smack about each other in the strangest of ways. Facebook anyone?
These days it confounds me even more that Christian mothers seem to take these battles to a higher level. I suppose that's natural though. Whenever one thinks God is on their side, cockiness is bound to happen. After all, if God is for me, He certainly can't be for you.
If we're supposed to be a Body, functioning as one...
If we're supposed to help each other grow in Him, not cause a sister to stumble and sin...
If we're supposed to love each other as He loves us...
why do I have the sinking suspicion that we are failing on an epic scale?
And as for all the Spy vs. Spy nonsense, let's step back a moment and ask ourselves a few questions. Will my child one day hate me if I did not breastfeed him? Will my child one day thank me for not putting him in cloth diapers? Will my child one day express regret that I vaccinated him? Will my child one day tell me that I thoroughly humiliated him by pushing him in a stroller when he could've been le chic enfant in a Babyhawk? Honestly, I sure hope no one has these kind of conversation starters come from their kids. My sons are 8 and 6 years old. Not once has my 8 year old told me he wished he'd been breastfed instead of bottlefed. Never once has my 6 year old told me he felt neglected because he rode in a double stroller with his brother when we ran errands back in the day.
What my kids do tell me is that they love me. What I tell them is that I love them more than they can imagine, and that Jesus loves them more than I ever could. When I look into their eyes, I don't see all the ways I've screwed up (and if you're a regular reader, you know it's quite a bit) in their young lives. I see all the potential they have before them, all the grace God has bestowed upon us, and all the joyful years we have ahead of us.
I'm just one little fish in the pond full of different moms with different parenting styles. Lately though, I feel like I've been swimming upstream.

Til next squeak,

Because of Him

So, if you'll glance up at my profile picture, you'll see that I'm fat. That's fat with a "f" not a "ph". There's a difference you know! (a cookie if you get that reference!)
In the last 2 years, I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Back in February, we had a change of insurance, which also meant a change of doctors. Never my favorite thing. I put it off for months, even after my hbp and migraine medications ran out. 2 weeks ago, I got Mr. P. and I in to see a new doctor.
I was fully prepared to hear about the weight issue. Frankly, I cannot go anywhere medically related without it coming up, even when it's really not pertinent. However, I was not prepared for my blood pressure to have normalized! Let me tell you, that's a miracle straight from God right there!
Both Mr. P. and I had a round of bloodwork done. The results were not exactly great for either of us. My cholesterol was 204. They want it under 200. Egads. I'm honestly embarrassed by it. Prior to this year, I've always tried to be careful about what I eat, if not necessarily how much I eat. Other than that though, my workup was pretty good.
Mr. P. has to go for further tests. For reasons we do not yet know, his liver isn't functioning as it should. He is also pre-diabetic.
I think for us both, this is a wake up call. And personally, I think God is trying to tell us something. If our bodies are His temple, well, He's probably tired of such sub par environments.
Mr. P. and I have both decided to try to make the changes we need to in order to get our own health straightened out, and to be a good example for our children. Perhaps this is why we have yet to conceive. Maybe we needed to work out more important things first.
For those of you reading this and feel so led, please pray for us as we try to live a healthy life style. This is all new territory for us. A friend recently told me that she didn't have true success in changing her health habits until she relied on God. I'm praying God will give us the strength as well.

Til next squeak,

A slightly sinking feeling

I'm not a very good liberal. Honestly. Then again, I don't think I have it in me to be a conservative. So, where does one go from here?
I've got that old sinking feeling that God's about to boot me in the behind to a new level of...something. Exactly what I don't know, but the feeling is there.
It's been on my heart for awhile now that perhaps some of the things we've been going through as a family and on a personal level have been due to my not-conservative-ness. So often you hear that God wants His people to be xyz because the Bible says abc and of course this means you should think/feel/believe 123. Gah. It's enough to make one want to rip their hair out in frustration.
The question then becomes one of belief vs. fake-itude. (love my word-makeitup-ness? I know I do) If God truly wants His flock to genuinely believe xyz, then is it acceptable to "fake it til ya make it"? How does one change a belief? Is it even possible?
Do you just research the issues? Or just read your Bible? Do you just say "God says this, so I believe this", even if you don't feel it in your heart?
Mmmm, that taste in your throat yet? Perhaps it's your own version of that slightly sinking feeling.

Til next squeak,