Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Testing my randomness

Welcome to Random Rambling 101. No, you haven't lost your mind. But clearly, I'm losing mine. Drooling Bouncy Smiley

I'm known for my mouth. As in my mouth tends to get me in deep trouble. Each time I go through these periods where I am no longer able to keep my pie hole shut, I find myself praying. I usually end up telling God that I don't wanna be this way, that I want to be able to have the grace to shut the frig up in all situations.
Heh. Careful whatcha pray for. Lately it seems that even on the days I'd like to yammer the day away, I can't. After many years of sticking my foot in my mouth, apparently, God decided to duct tape it shut while said appendage was jammed deep in there.

I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned on this blog a time or 2 my disdain for the movie Fireproof. My ongoing point in the seemingly endless debate over this movie has been that watching a movie is not a cure-all for a floundering marriage, and all the ideals and principals taught in the movie can be had simply by praying, reading the Word, and most importantly, waiting on God.
Many times I've been told that my judgement of this movie was wildly inaccurate, mostly in part to my refusal to waste my money watching it.
And then came Netflix...
Mr. P. and I popped Fireproof onto our queue. And a few weeks ago, it arrived. Admittedly, we sat on it. It was in our home for a good week and a half before we cracked it open. Our initial plan was to completely obliterated with Mr. Grey Goose before seeing this flick. Somehow, that never happened. Yes, I watched Fireproof stone-cold sober.
We actually ended up watching with our 5 year old son, Tank. I will say that if you are the kinda parent who is not too terribly concerned about censoring your kids, it can be a family appropriate movie. This is particularly true if you like grabbing those "teachable moments" by the horn.
Although I still stand by original theories, I will say that this movie wasn't as horrible as we figured it would be. Both the fire crew and the nurses make this movie, in my opinion. I wish anyone would've mentioned the moments of light-hearted humor in this flick. I think it would've gone a long way towards bolstering my opinion of it. That said, the acting is pretty lame, but you overlook it after about an hour.
What I'm still trying to comprehend is why many Christians claim it is THE way to repair or improve a marriage. If anything, the story shows that saving your marriage is by no means easy or automatic.
For our part, Mr. P. and I both recognized many of the same things we went through and learned in both the year leading up to our near-divorce and the first year of trying to fall back in love. I know I speak for us both when I say that I am so glad we're beyond those trying times.
So, Fireproof ain't all that bad. Would I recommend it to a couple struggling in their marriage? Probably not. But that's just me. I guess I'm still not on the Fireproof bandwagon after all. Thinking

We're in the end-of-the-school-year stretch! w00t! I cannot wait til summer vacation. The sleeping in, the lazy days, the freedom to do things with my sons that I normally wouldn't have the time for! I'm sure that come August, I'll be ready for them to go back. But for now, I'm glad to be where we are.

This struggle with SI (secondary infertility) has become both easier and harder. Coping with the range of emotions has become a bit easier, especially since severely limiting my online time. However, coping with the reality that we may never have the family size I've come to dream of and pray for has been so very hard. I find myself wondering if it's God punishing me for all the sins and mistakes of my life. I've found only cold comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in those feelings. Many others who experience SI often have moments like these too.
One thing I've learned is to shut the hell up about our struggles or my feelings on this topic. Too many times I've hard my heart ripped out by those who cannot understand all the things that come with SI. Sometimes, protecting oneself from hurt means protecting oneself from people.

So that's my randomness for the month. I guess I'm still good at purging my mind. Thank God for that much!

Til next squeak,

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Church heathen

1st, props if you know the song I stole the title from. Bow Down Wave
2nd, this topic has been swirling through my mind goo for a few weeks now. It's pretty hot button, so it'll fit perfectly here.
I'm quoting from a friend's post on my message board. While I love what she said further on (it really REALLY challenges the way we as a church treat sin/sinners), I'm completely enamored of the basic concept as well.

You know what? Divorce makes me sick. It is an abomination!! It is unnatural! How do you take apart two people when they have been made one! God actually says in the bible that he hates divorce! And it is SO SICK, there are divorced people at my CHURCH! And you know what, we can't preach against divorce because it might offend them, and if we offend them we can get sued! But some pastors even preach that divorce is okay! UGH. The divorced people are hindering church for the rest of us. And you know what is worse? They are teaching my kids in school that divorce is OKAY! Even some of the TEACHERS are divorced!! Isn't the disgusting? There are tons of parents in my kids class that are divorced too... it just makes me so sick, I wish there was a law banning divorce!

Now think about that for a second. Shocked
That rant should sound familiar to anyone who has ever attended church. Simply insert the word "homosexual" wherever you see "divorce".
Hmmm. Makes you sit back, doesn't it?
While my dear Snarfy had a fantastic point, I want to address the original point.
What if, just what if, we as a church body actually did take a radical stand against divorce? Hmmm, wait, I know the church prefers "pro" stand points. So, what if we became passionately pro-marriage?
I don't mean making sure that no one besides heterosexual couples can marry. Currently, that's the stand we as a people of faith take. I mean making divorce the life destroying sin that it is. Divorce is not a choice to toss around so flippantly as we currently do. I see nowhere in God's word that says it's fine to split if you no longer get along. Hell, even abuse is not a reason to divorce! And frankly, what with the Jon and Kate scandal, let's remember that even adultery is not a reason to divorce. We are "allowed" divorce for unfaithfulness because of the hardness of our hearts. Pretty sad, huh? Isn't it far better to pray for a softening of the marriage partners' hearts unto reconciliation?
Matthew 19
1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
Now it's not as though I have no clue what I'm talking about. Mr. P. and I very nearly divorced. I cheated on him! Yet here we are today, strong in our marriage with our hearts joined to each other as it should be.
What if we stopped teaching our kids that divorce is an option? Ya know, we tell them that by the example we set in our own lives. What do you think marriage would look like if we taught our kids this simple concept?
We as a church say that marriage is a living example of Christ's relationship with us. Oh really? Do you think He'd ditch us and ask for alimony? Frankly, we all cheat on the Lord all the time. Too much time online? Coveting your neighbor's green lawn and nice new Lincoln? Perhaps obsessing over your charts and spending all your waking thoughts desiring the next blessing? ( Blushy 4) All these are examples of giving our love, devotion, and attention to something other than our Husband. Yet, He never leaves us by the wayside. Why, if we're saying that our marriages are pictures of this beauty, would we ever consider divorce for any reason at all? Why would we allow our kids to think it's an "acceptable sin"?
No sin is worse than any other. However, in the church we've come to a place where some are considered by us fallible mortals to be far more deserving of our venom or passion than others. And that, Dear Reader, has contributed to the dividing line between "Body parts". When the mouth is no longer speaking with the eyes, and the hand has not a thing to do with the foot, where do we end up?
A bunch of church heathens, gossiping in the pews.
Just think on it for a bit. If we treated divorcees half as poorly as we treated homosexuals, then how would outsiders look at us? And if we took a stand and lived what we preached, then how would they see us?

Til next squeak,

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