Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Bah bah black sheep

In thinking about how growth brings change, and that in turn can bring isolation, I've been thinking about how most of my life has been spent on the fringes. That sounds pretty over dramatic, but for the most part, I do not mean it in a bad way. Usually, it just means that I never quite fit in. That's alright. I wonder how often people truly fit in with their chosen groups anyway. I get the feeling that people are often more than they seem. Or maybe less, depending on how you look at things.
In my case, I was always unpopular in school. Now as an adult, I find I am too religious for the secular crowd, yet too secular for the religious crowd. Combine that with the fact that I regularly choose isolation to conversation, and my mental health problems, well, I'm just askin' for it huh?
Writing about not quite knowing how to relate to others different from you is a topic I'm very familiar with. It's my daily life. The only people I can really relate to are Mr. P. and the kiddos. When it comes to people outside my little family circle, I just can't predict how they are thinking or how they will react. That brings out a tendency in me to either clam up, or spill the beans about every single little aspect of my life. Talk about awkward all around. Relating to others is critical in life though. Even if you do not work outside the home like myself, it's still a skill that must be honed. On any given day, I must interact with my kids' teachers, my husband's boss, my neighbors, our doctors, people at the grocery store or Walmart. And then there's church! LOL!
There's times I long for Mr. P.'s gift of gab. I am so thankful that both our kids got that from him. They will succeed despite my failings in this area. So when you never know what to say or how to do it, what do you do? When you are terrified of the phone, even when it comes to old friends, what then?
One other thing that comes to mind is that as a Christian, I am supposed to tell people about my Lord. I can't picture myself ever being a street preacher, that's for sure. I'm still kinda stunned that I have got my kids praying over meals when I myself do not pray aloud. I guess that is why I am a first-generation Christian. Plenty of unsaved folk in my own family to work on. :D
Well, this black sheep has bleated enough for today. Just sharing some thoughts on why I am the way I am. Thank God He's not done with me yet!!

Til next squeak,

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