Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Confessions of a confused parent, Part 2

Now that Ladybug is nearly 4 months old, I thought I'd revisit my feelingsCheck Spelling on different parenting techniques.

I have become "that mom". You know her. The one you never really wanted to be but somehow find yourself walking in her shoes. The one you'd whisper about at the grocery store.
"See that chick over there? Look at her kids! I'd never raise my kids like that!"
Yup, I am her. Much to my chagrin.
In my previous post about my parenting choices, I really waffled about how things would be once our baby daughter arrived. I'm still waffling. Mommy guilt is a real...well, you know. It makes us doubt ourselves as not only mothers, but as women and wives as well. We do it to ourselves. We second guess, and we wallow in the guilt of not being whoever it is that we think we ought to be.
One day, I want to be able to say that I own my choices and am happy with them. I don't know when that day will come, if it ever does. I want to be able to hold my head up with pride and say, "Look at my kids. They're good kids. I've done well in raising them, and yes, done well by them with xyz parenting."
The unfortunate reality is that although there's not much I would currently change about how I parent my kids, I don't do any of it with purpose. I think we all know a few moms (maybe more than just a few) who follow their parenting techniques because they have researched out their options and can quote studies and statistics about why they parent the way they do. Not me. More than ever, I've just been trying to get by. Having a new baby in the house has changed everything. Not just my identity as a mom, but how I treat Mr. P. and how I parent our sons as well. I'm a different, though not nessecarily better, mother now.
Perhaps taking the time to study and look into all the various schools of thought will help me to be a more purposeful mom. Or maybe it will serve to only confuse me more. Either way, I think my kids will turn out all right, despite their confused mother.

Til next squeak,

3 Squeaks from the Maze:

Dee =) said...

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I want to encourage you to do what is right for your family. Sometimes even those things vary from child to child based on their needs. With 1 confirmed and 1 suspected child with autism, the conventional rules go out the door and we do what works in our home to raise our children to be functioning, thriving, giving to society and Christ loving human beings. Keep up the good work hon.

Jenn said...

I agree, keep up the good work!

I think it is so sad that people aren't allowed to instinctually parent. There are so many things that just come naturally to us as parents, and feeling judged or watched in this is a trapping and gross feeling.

I pray that you're falling more and more into your groove now!

Mrs. P. said...

I haven't really found my groove yet. Adding another little one has been far more challenging than I anticipated. I can now see why so many people I know say that having a 3rd child made them not want a 4th.

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