Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Testing my randomness

Welcome to Random Rambling 101. No, you haven't lost your mind. But clearly, I'm losing mine. Drooling Bouncy Smiley

I'm known for my mouth. As in my mouth tends to get me in deep trouble. Each time I go through these periods where I am no longer able to keep my pie hole shut, I find myself praying. I usually end up telling God that I don't wanna be this way, that I want to be able to have the grace to shut the frig up in all situations.
Heh. Careful whatcha pray for. Lately it seems that even on the days I'd like to yammer the day away, I can't. After many years of sticking my foot in my mouth, apparently, God decided to duct tape it shut while said appendage was jammed deep in there.

I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned on this blog a time or 2 my disdain for the movie Fireproof. My ongoing point in the seemingly endless debate over this movie has been that watching a movie is not a cure-all for a floundering marriage, and all the ideals and principals taught in the movie can be had simply by praying, reading the Word, and most importantly, waiting on God.
Many times I've been told that my judgement of this movie was wildly inaccurate, mostly in part to my refusal to waste my money watching it.
And then came Netflix...
Mr. P. and I popped Fireproof onto our queue. And a few weeks ago, it arrived. Admittedly, we sat on it. It was in our home for a good week and a half before we cracked it open. Our initial plan was to completely obliterated with Mr. Grey Goose before seeing this flick. Somehow, that never happened. Yes, I watched Fireproof stone-cold sober.
We actually ended up watching with our 5 year old son, Tank. I will say that if you are the kinda parent who is not too terribly concerned about censoring your kids, it can be a family appropriate movie. This is particularly true if you like grabbing those "teachable moments" by the horn.
Although I still stand by original theories, I will say that this movie wasn't as horrible as we figured it would be. Both the fire crew and the nurses make this movie, in my opinion. I wish anyone would've mentioned the moments of light-hearted humor in this flick. I think it would've gone a long way towards bolstering my opinion of it. That said, the acting is pretty lame, but you overlook it after about an hour.
What I'm still trying to comprehend is why many Christians claim it is THE way to repair or improve a marriage. If anything, the story shows that saving your marriage is by no means easy or automatic.
For our part, Mr. P. and I both recognized many of the same things we went through and learned in both the year leading up to our near-divorce and the first year of trying to fall back in love. I know I speak for us both when I say that I am so glad we're beyond those trying times.
So, Fireproof ain't all that bad. Would I recommend it to a couple struggling in their marriage? Probably not. But that's just me. I guess I'm still not on the Fireproof bandwagon after all. Thinking

We're in the end-of-the-school-year stretch! w00t! I cannot wait til summer vacation. The sleeping in, the lazy days, the freedom to do things with my sons that I normally wouldn't have the time for! I'm sure that come August, I'll be ready for them to go back. But for now, I'm glad to be where we are.

This struggle with SI (secondary infertility) has become both easier and harder. Coping with the range of emotions has become a bit easier, especially since severely limiting my online time. However, coping with the reality that we may never have the family size I've come to dream of and pray for has been so very hard. I find myself wondering if it's God punishing me for all the sins and mistakes of my life. I've found only cold comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in those feelings. Many others who experience SI often have moments like these too.
One thing I've learned is to shut the hell up about our struggles or my feelings on this topic. Too many times I've hard my heart ripped out by those who cannot understand all the things that come with SI. Sometimes, protecting oneself from hurt means protecting oneself from people.

So that's my randomness for the month. I guess I'm still good at purging my mind. Thank God for that much!

Til next squeak,

2 Squeaks from the Maze:

Stacy said...

I saw your FB status and had a feeling that you'd been blogging...I'm glad I was right! I love your randomness.

Laurie said...

In the last several months we've actually been Netflick-ing a lot of evangelical movies and, though we've had to modify our movie expectations, we've been really refreshed. The movies feel less-sophisticated that we're accustomed to, but they have touched us in ways far more significant (because after all, God uses the weak things of this world to confound the strong). We've now seen all the feature length films produced by Sherwood Pictures (Flywheel, Facing the Giants, Fireproof), and have also recently watched The Second Chance, Shadowlands (the PBS version), and Time Changer (warning - particularly preachy but true). I would highly recommend any of these films... but not as a replacement for God's direct hand in your life.

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