Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A complex complex

I've been told I have an inferiority complex. Yeah, no kidding. Shy Whistler

So, having recently joined Facebook, that dubious joy of a site that allows you to find more people than you ever thought you'd lost track of, that ol' "gosh I'm a loser" blues really set in.
Honestly though, after finding an abundance of people (some I got along with, others I didn't, a few I hated) and seeing how successful they are, or how much they've changed, it's hard to not feel like a tool.
After all, I still live here in town. Actually, I live 2 blocks from where I grew up. I don't have any nifty careers to report. In fact, I don't work at all. I've got that distinct combo of letters attached to me that seems to others like an infectious disease- SAHM. I married a man who went to the rival high school. We met at a gas station. Nothing wildly fascinating to report there. We have 2 sons, and they currently attend the elementary school that I went to long ago. Being the low-brow, low-income shmucks we are, of course I'm hoping for more kids. We live a very simple life.
So last night, I went to bed feeling out of sorts. The boys were at my ILs for the weekend, and Mr. P. and I had a quiet night at home. Typically, I would add that kinda night is just how I like it. But today? Today I wonder how much is lacking in me.
Anyway, I've never been the sort to believe in things like prophetic dreams or the like, but I do think God talks to us whenever He can. If that happens to be our dreams (because we're too worked up and boneheaded during our waking hours to hear Him), so be it. Last night, God gave me a lesson in contentment.
We've all seen Back to the Future, right? Any geek will tell you, time travel is dangerous stuff. Change the past and you risk changing the present. But would you really want to change things? Seriously. Think about that for a sec. And remember the phrase, "The grass is always greener on the other side."
I dreamt last night that both Mr. P. and I had a chance to go back to our late high school days, and get a do-over. And not just like in a sci-fi book. We both knew and remembered each other, the life we shared, our kids, everything. Powerful stuff, let me tell you. Next thing I knew, there I was, in my old high school. Disturbing to say the least. All the people I had been grousing about, right there all over again. And yet, so much was missing. I was 15 again, but my heart ached for my husband. When could I go back home to our kids? What about all the things we needed to get done in the next few days? And then it hit me. Maybe Mr. P. wasn't feeling the same longing I was. Maybe he was deciding to take a different path.
Sitting through high school classes in a dream world. Meh. I never liked it the first time through in real life. Then lunch came. I tried to talk to my friends about what was going on. They asked if I needed to go to the nurses office and lay down for awhile. After classes were over, heading out to the bus, I stepped out instead to bright light.
And then I woke up.
Thank God. Faint
When the Lord wants your attention, He'll get it, make no mistake about that.
While I was downstairs making my coffee and toast, I had time to enjoy the silence of the morning. Thinking about that wildly disturbing dream, I realized that although my life may not be what anyone around us wanted for us, it's all I could hope for. My kids are here and healthy. My husband and I have a great marriage. Yes, we may have a simple life, but it's more than enough for us. God gave us to each other, and gave this life to us for His purposes and for our blessing. While I may from time to time feel inferior in comparison to my contemporaries, I can rest in the knowledge that God doesn't look at us as "less than". He chose to give us so much "more than" either Mr. P. or I ever dreamed.
Take that, complex!

Til next squeak,

2 Squeaks from the Maze:

Laurie said...

I am speechless... by the awesome dream, by your insight, by your peace. You go girl!

Mrs. P. said...


You know, that dream spoke to me more than I even knew to start with. These last few days, in listening for the Lord, I've been feeling convicted and inspired to finish high school. It's an odd place to be, no doubt.

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