There was once a time in my life when I'd would just talk a person's ear off, especially if I was going through some emotional turmoil.
These days, I find myself withdrawing and turning to nothing in particular. It's an odd place to be. Sitting at the 'puter and staring blankly at the screen all day has not been fun.
I keep thinking of the trip to Disney World my family took back when I was 11 or 12 years old. When our plane reached Atlanta, we spent over an hour circling the airport. Why? Nasty storms had descended upon the area but from our vantage, things looked more or less fine.
Perhaps that's what is going on in my life now. Maybe God has me in a holding pattern because from where I sit, I can't see the storms He's protecting me from. I'd imagine we've all seen that bumper sticker that reads "God is my co-pilot". What a strange thing to feel in action though.
There's been so very much on my mind and my heart lately that I can't find the words for. Everything seems to have been put on pause for now. I'm not sure why God has chosen to leave me in this spot, waiting. The part of me that continually struggles to grow in faith feels like an abandoned child. The other part of me, the part that speaks in cool tones of reason, tells me that Father knows best, and much like that plane trip of long ago, sometimes the weather isn't always as peachy as it would seem to be.
I don't know about you, but there are times I wish I could see clearly from God's spot on the tarmac. You would think the view from up here would be so much more enthralling. But once you're above those clouds, well, that's all you see. You need your man on the ground to bring you in safely. You've got to trust in his judgement, no matter how you may long to land that bird and go have a glass of wine.
I'm still clinging to the hope that some day, God will tell me to come on down from above these as-yet-unseen-by-me storm clouds. The view from here is getting bland and tiring. Til then though, there's not much to do but wait on instructions from my Man on the ground.
Til next squeak,
5 Squeaks from the Maze:
How very very odd. I was just thinking about you last night and wondering if all is well. I guess it is, if a bit "up in the air." ;-)
It takes a great deal of maturity to be patient with God and yourself at times like this. I'm no good at it, really.
I loved reading this. I'm kind of right there too as we plan for my husband's deployment, and I don't know what it's going to look like and what it's going to entail, and what my needs are going to be. The storm is down there, I know it is, and I'm going to have to go through it at some point, but for now, we're just hanging out above the clouds. That's a great metaphor ... hop over to my blog and read my sticking up hair metaphor ... yours is better. LOL Thanks for sharing this. Praying for you in your holding pattern, that you'll be able to see blessings there.
Totally off topic, but . . . Stanley went to the beach today. :) And he saw an osprey! We'll print the pictures and get him going back on his way. :)
Cat, don't get the wrong impression. I'm no good at waiting it out at all. LOL. It's just that these thigns of a deeper nature occur to me at times and I feel like blabbing them to the world.
Oh! Tell me about it! I'm flipping my mind back and forth as to what I'm supposed to be doing with my wait time... is it actually wait time or is it a prompt to focus on things already on my plate... am I being prepared and is there something I can do proactively...
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