Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

It's late tonight, so please forgive me if this post seems all to brief or somewhat jumbled.

My heart is heavy tonight with a burden not my own. I've been blessed enough to never have lost someone dear to me. Yet God has called me to live out the above verse this night.
Please join me in prayer if you read this. Let us lift up those who mourn to the One who can mend broken hearts and lives. And if you are like me, having never experienced the horrid fullness of grief yourself, praise Him as well.
I can't help but think of my dear friends who have lost children, nieces and nephews, parents or spouses. My loving family who grieve for lost fathers, grandmothers, mothers and friends. And so very many other people around the world in the same boat.
Love should carry us always, and the love God showers on us can be so easily turned outward for something as simple as prayer.
Again, please join me. And if you, Dear Reader, are one of those who mourn, know we mourn with you as well and are praying for your heart.


Til next squeak,

Product review: Glisten & Glow

Disclaimer:

I am not being compensated in any way for the product reviews on the Maze. I have found over the last 3 years that I prefer to buy from home based businesses whenever possible. Often times the products, customer service, and attention to detail are far better than anything you could find in a major retailer. I love helping promote home based businesses because, let's face it, advertising is hard to come by, and word of mouth can bolster them quite effectively.

---

Recently I had some Paypal burning a hole in my pocket, and I decided to treat myself to some body butter and shampoo/conditioner from Glisten & Glow. Jill is an old friend, and I think I'm not biased at all in saying that her line of products is definitely quality stuff.

I ordered myself some of the body butter, as well as a 2 oz. bottle of both shampoo and conditioner. Honestly, the hardest part was choosing a fragrance! There is literally something for everyone. I ended up going with the Pumpkin Pie Paradise for my body butter, and Coconut Lime Verbena for my hair care products.

I have been totally lovin' the body butter. It smells just like my favorite candle! I'm a bit of a lotion junky, and the body butter exceeded my expectations. It's such a light formula, and not greasy at all. Just melts into your skin. The fragrance is lingers for quite awhile, which is something I just love.

My shampoo and conditioner were a pleasant surprise. Salon quality for a fraction of the price. I have long been searching for a conditioner that would give me good moisturization without leaving my hair flatter or worse, oily. Jill's conditioner is just that! As a plus, the scent I chose is so clean and bright. Only draw back? Singing this song in the shower each time I wash my hair.

Since shipping was a non-issue for me (we live in the same town), I thought I'd ask Jill how she handles out of state orders. Here's what she had to say!

Our shipping policy for out of state orders is flat rate priority boxes that range from 6.00-15.00 depends on the size! Once the order is placed the shipping is determined by how much I can fit in the box, not by weight! more often then not it's the 11.00 box for any orders over 3 pieces... you can say shipping ranges from 6-15 or more depending on size and destination!

If you're on Facebook, go check out the fan page here. I hope some of you will give Glisten & Glow a try. You won't be disappointed!

Til next squeak,

If I had a million dollars...

My friend Kristy humored my Facebook call for blogging ideas. So, without further ado, here's what I'd do with a million cool smackers, tax free.

The first thing that comes to mind is saving for the future. I assume that, done properly, $1 million can go a long way. So, take around $250,000 for savings/investment of some sort.
I would donate 10% to the groups that helped us so much to not only get our sons back from foster care, but restore our marriage as well. So, $100,000 to Casey Family Services and Klingberg Family Centers, split down the middle.
I'd probably buy a Ford Flex. With all the bells and whistles I want, we're looking at $56k. Worth every cent. :)
I know there's more I'd do- buy a house, help out friends and family, take a vacation. I have a feeling we'd buy my mom a trailer, maybe Mr. P.'s mom as well. It'd be fun to come back to this after talking with the husbeast to see what he'd do.
It's nice to dream, that's for sure. What would you do with that kinda cash?

Til next squeak,

God hates liberals...

Right? Isn't that what we're taught in church? Stick a big red "L" on their shirts and let's all call it a day.
It's no secret to most that I'm proudly liberal leaning. It's also no secret that the vast majority of the people I know are quite conservative.
That said, it should also come as no surprise that I've been feeling lost and miserable, kinda floating along without friends.
I have been wondering for awhile now why God has brought me into the company of so very many conservative people. If we serve a God who truly has our very best in mind, then what the dealio?
In the last 3 years, I've tried on and off to become more conservative, both in my manner and my thoughts. Can we say epic fail? Each time I try, I just end up...well, where I am right now. Feeling like a fool who lacks the very thing that makes one a Christian.
All these feelings are part of what makes me avoid church. I haven't been since October '08. I know I should go back, believe me I do. But I just can't. Feeling this way makes me vastly edit what I say, or simply say nothing at all. (I bet you're thinking "Ahhh, so that explains the recent long silences!") That is both in my online interactions, and in real life. (IRL!)
When you feel like you have to tread on eggshells around everyone in your life, it can make a person very jumpy. Sometimes it's easier to withdraw into my little family and forget there's even a larger world out there. When you come down to it, if you have to keep your heart hidden away from those you call friend, really what kind of friendship is that? Or if you have to refrain from speaking up about the hurts and slights you may feel because you are the minority, how is that building up the Body of Christ?
I guess I'm feeling pretty disillusioned with the whole inner workings of Christian fellowship right now. I'm sure we all go through phases like this, but it seems God brings me here regularly. Do I think He wants me to become like those He draws me to? Lord, I'm on my knees crying out "NO!" Please? But if the Body is the true reflection of Him as we often pray to be, claim to be, then perhaps God does hate liberals. And maybe that is why I am where I so often find myself. I pray the answer comes soon.

Til next squeak,

Oh baby, it's on!

So I've decided to do it. Yup, I'll be starting my own message board/forum for Christian mothers.
God, what am I thinking?!
I've gotten a tremendous amount of positive feedback from friends, and I think it has the potential to be something wonderful. Right now, I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed with all that needs to be thought of when designing your own place. I'm hoping to have it up and running within the week.
So, stay tuned for the addy! I'm hoping that many of you will be able to join us. It should certainly prove to be interesting, if nothing else.



Til next squeak,

Now where'd that ball gag come from?!

Yeah, it's awfully hard to "speak your mind" when you've got one of those bad boys shoved down your throat. Ya know, metaphorically speaking.

When you're like me, admitting that you have conservative friends is kinda like admitting you have a "funny uncle". Everyone looks at you all weird-like and you can tell they kinda wonder to themselves, "How much influence does Uncle Chester have on her?"

Ok, bad analogy, but how about this:

Conservative + Christian = "the norm" (we're just establishing some baselines here...in this case, "the norm" refers to the Christian community, not necessarily society as a whole)

Then what about this:

Liberal + Christian = ????

From what I've experienced, most liberal leaning people are not terribly religious, or at least not of the Christian faith. Now, I myself am a religious Christian who is damn liberal and damn proud. However, when most people think of Christians and their political bent, they think "conservative douche bag". I 2nd that emotion.

Not many of us religious Christians now fit into the liberal ideologies. We are indeed a rare breed these days. But the way you hear the conservatives talk, we're taking over the world and packing it all off in a pretty hand basket straight to Hell.

I've come to the conclusion that most conservatives will whine non-stop about not having any safe arena to air their views (i.e. give each other nice lil back slaps for being so conservative, and of course, oh so Christian) without getting attacked by fetus-eating, gay-orgy-having, pulling-the-prayer-outta-schools-so-we-can-preach-hedonistic-sex-based-baby-killing-slap-your-great-grandma-agendas liberals. Did I mention that we are, of course, never truly Christians as well? I guess we're not doing a good job as a whole of hiding those zippers on the back of our sheep costumes as we initially thought.

What these Christians do not realize is that us liberal Christians have no where to call home, except amongst each other. We're clearly not Christian enough to be around our conservative counterparts, and we're too damn Christian (and thus, too likely to flip to the douche bag side) to be around our non-Christian liberal cohorts. So what do we do?

I imagine a lot of the DBers would say, "Pray! God will show you that your ways are wrong *cough, cough* and you'll be able to learn about what Christianity really means to your daily life and the choices you make if you'd just let Him in!"

You know. Because of course, our choices are not prayed upon at all, nor are they well-thought out and carefully considered.

All that to say that I'm deeply considering starting my own message board for us liberal Christian mamas. We need a safe place to call home as much as the next person, whether the other side sees it or not.

Now someone please get this damn ball gag outta my mouth!

Til next squeak,

A complex complex

I've been told I have an inferiority complex. Yeah, no kidding.

So, having recently joined Facebook, that dubious joy of a site that allows you to find more people than you ever thought you'd lost track of, that ol' "gosh I'm a loser" blues really set in.
Honestly though, after finding an abundance of people (some I got along with, others I didn't, a few I hated) and seeing how successful they are, or how much they've changed, it's hard to not feel like a tool.
After all, I still live here in town. Actually, I live 2 blocks from where I grew up. I don't have any nifty careers to report. In fact, I don't work at all. I've got that distinct combo of letters attached to me that seems to others like an infectious disease- SAHM. I married a man who went to the rival high school. We met at a gas station. Nothing wildly fascinating to report there. We have 2 sons, and they currently attend the elementary school that I went to long ago. Being the low-brow, low-income shmucks we are, of course I'm hoping for more kids. We live a very simple life.
So last night, I went to bed feeling out of sorts. The boys were at my ILs for the weekend, and Mr. P. and I had a quiet night at home. Typically, I would add that kinda night is just how I like it. But today? Today I wonder how much is lacking in me.
Anyway, I've never been the sort to believe in things like prophetic dreams or the like, but I do think God talks to us whenever He can. If that happens to be our dreams (because we're too worked up and boneheaded during our waking hours to hear Him), so be it. Last night, God gave me a lesson in contentment.
We've all seen Back to the Future, right? Any geek will tell you, time travel is dangerous stuff. Change the past and you risk changing the present. But would you really want to change things? Seriously. Think about that for a sec. And remember the phrase, "The grass is always greener on the other side."
I dreamt last night that both Mr. P. and I had a chance to go back to our late high school days, and get a do-over. And not just like in a sci-fi book. We both knew and remembered each other, the life we shared, our kids, everything. Powerful stuff, let me tell you. Next thing I knew, there I was, in my old high school. Disturbing to say the least. All the people I had been grousing about, right there all over again. And yet, so much was missing. I was 15 again, but my heart ached for my husband. When could I go back home to our kids? What about all the things we needed to get done in the next few days? And then it hit me. Maybe Mr. P. wasn't feeling the same longing I was. Maybe he was deciding to take a different path.
Sitting through high school classes in a dream world. Meh. I never liked it the first time through in real life. Then lunch came. I tried to talk to my friends about what was going on. They asked if I needed to go to the nurses office and lay down for awhile. After classes were over, heading out to the bus, I stepped out instead to bright light.
And then I woke up.
Thank God.
When the Lord wants your attention, He'll get it, make no mistake about that.
While I was downstairs making my coffee and toast, I had time to enjoy the silence of the morning. Thinking about that wildly disturbing dream, I realized that although my life may not be what anyone around us wanted for us, it's all I could hope for. My kids are here and healthy. My husband and I have a great marriage. Yes, we may have a simple life, but it's more than enough for us. God gave us to each other, and gave this life to us for His purposes and for our blessing. While I may from time to time feel inferior in comparison to my contemporaries, I can rest in the knowledge that God doesn't look at us as "less than". He chose to give us so much "more than" either Mr. P. or I ever dreamed.
Take that, complex!

Til next squeak,

Awardage...I haz it.

naejeirual over at Thinkin' gave me an award! (2 actually, but I'm taking 'em one at a time.) Go me!

I met Laurie some time back on christianmom.com (keep reminding myself to get back over there and somehow I always forget) and she's one of those awesomely encouraging people who you just know is never going to look down on you.

With this wondrous distinction come ponderous inquisitions. Mmmm fun.

Do you have any friends from childhood?
Hmmmm. Not so much from childhood, but from my teenage years, yes. Just ran into her at the grocery store last night. IRL, I'm mostly a loner, and the rare friend I do have, I treasure.

What do you value about your friends?
I love how my friends challenge me. Not one of us is exactly like the other. In fact, the people I hold dear are all so vastly different in so many ways that it has really opened my views on pretty much everything.

Are they your sounding board? Probably more than they care to be.

What activities do you like to share together? Ummm. Hmmm. Well. Since the majority of my friends are online, I'd say chatting online. Doh. I just showed my dorkitude.

I'm going to pass this award on to Meri! I met her over at CMF last year, and re-met earlier this year. She never fails to crack me up and inspire me. Oh, and I got her on the Keurig bandwagon.

Til next squeak,

MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Rise, my minions!
ROFL!
I'm a dork and get a real kick out of the fact that now I have 4 followers of this silly lil blog.
Props go to Mr. P., Cat, and Lori! Thanks guys for making my day today.


Til next squeak,

Who's on first???

Melanie is the first squeaker to follow this blog! Woot woot! So guess what you win? Ermmm, your own post? Yeah, that sounds good.
Thanks for making this lil maze (and me) feel special!


Til next squeak,

More than it seems

It's not often I blog about any subject that can remain entirely serious, but today I feel something comin' on. Perhaps I should go check my temperature?

---

In the course of the last 2 years, I've read many articles on the subject of hospitality. Quite a few of them found at LAF. (see sidebar link) While interesting and yes, at times inspiring, these calls to Christian feminine hospitality left a bad taste in my mouth. The feeling that hospitality must be practiced as an "all or nothing" proposition is one that comes up frequently if you look around enough, especially on women's message boards.
When I hear "hospitality" all I can think of is a group of ladies wearing itchy lace dresses, crowded into a stuffy old parlor room, and sipping hot tea when it's around 85 degrees out. Mmmm southern hospitality. What occurred to me yesterday is that hospitality (and I'm thinking it's time to go Google a darn thesaurus) can be very different from that image.
Some of you know that I live in the ghetto. Say it with me now. Ghet-to. Very good. Now if you've never experienced the ghetto, I recommend a trip to your local housing authority. They can direct you to your nearest ghetto and perhaps give you a quick tour. When you live in a ghetto like I do, you're probably not inclined to entertaining, like I'm not. But here's the thing. God often blesses us when we take the time to step out of our comfy little niches and do something to bless others. Not saying it's easy! But it can be well worth it.
Just a few weeks ago, Mr. P. and I had a few friends over for dinner. Most couples our age probably do this often, but we do this...ah...never. The great thing about that night is that all of us were pretty ghetto, but like I always tell my kids, we may not have a lot, but what we do have we can share. Certainly, we were blessed that night with companionship beyond measure.
Earlier this week, my aunt stopped by for a spell after her doctor's appointment but before she went home. Aunt D was quite sick with allergy-related bronchitis, and although she's typically the type to motor through everything, we tricked her into relaxing a bit. Coffee, kids and a gift of handmade soaps (no I didn't make 'em) worked like a charm. I didn't realize how much opening our home meant until she called a few days later let me know she appreciated having a place to recoup her energy before heading home.
And then yesterday, I gave a neighbor a cup of creamer for her coffee and some cookies for her son. It was our kids' first day of school and us mamas need that morning cuppa!
It's funny to me how each of these moments, small and large, blessed my heart while blessing someone else. And isn't that the point of being "hospitable"? Even in the ghetto, you can open your home and your life to friends, family and even those you hardly know. I've read that when it comes to Christian hospitality, the idea is sharing Christ's love along with your home and your time. So even if it's as humble as a plastic tumbler of half and half, it's more than it seems.

Til next squeak,

Ah muse, thy name is CMF!

In noticing many of us have gotten lax about regularly updating our blogs, a CMFer issued a friendly reminder to post. Shame on us, eh?

Since my mind has been consumed by thoughts of fair food and brownies this last week, I asked for any random suggestions for a topic. Oh, this should be fun!
Thursday is back to school day here for my kids. Oh thank God! I'm ready to rip my hair out after the last few days. Honestly, I love my kids, but one can only take so much of a 5 year old doing that "I've got my eyes on you" thing from Meet the Parents. Or when the same kiddo screams at the top of his lungs how you're personally ruining his life because he's not allowed to stay up past 8pm. Oh, Lord, save me from his teenage years! Thank you Melanie for reminding me that relief is but a few days away!

Lately, we've been blasting through bread. Seriously. I guess in a family of fatsos (well except for MonkeyMan...still have no idea how that kid got skinny) it shouldn't shock me that we're all freaks for carbs, but it does. This month, it's been close to a loaf a day. Yowsa! How does that happen? I mean, I know that once Mr. P. pops in some bread to toast (see there Meri? toast! LOL), everyone crawls outta the gutters. I will include myself amongst the gutter-crawling, toast-fiends. After all, my first thought when I smell that golden scent (how I can attribute a color to smell makes me all the more snazzy) is often "I wonder if I can get Mr. P. to make me a slice?"

These last few weeks have been not so easy and joyous in our home. Mr. P. and I have had more than a few fights, admittedly most likely stemming from my PMDD. (there I said it, Mr. P.) One of our ongoing arguments is about our fertility. Some of my readers may know that I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year. As much as I am loathe to admit it, it's affected me more than I ever could've initially conceived. (bad pun, I know I know)
While I find myself at down moments dreaming of the baby I might one day have, God willing, I do wonder about certain baby products on the market these days. Since it's been 5 years since my last newborn, things have come quite a long way in certain areas. Many products I look at and think, "Wow, I wish they had that out when my kids were small!" But some? Oy. Take those baby boogie suction thingys for instance. (ha! Am I good or what?) Back when my boys were born, the hospital sent me home with one. I thought to myself, "What on earth is this thing for? Hopefully nothing to do with the circumcision care!" I never did get the hang of sucking out my baby's brains, ermmm, boogers with those things. So, poor Tank got the ol' Q-tip routine. He still does to this day.

Oh, and LJ, I refer you to the post "Public Service Announcement" for your toothpaste request. You'll find it familiar I think.


Til next squeak,

Blog rolls are nummerz...especially the kind with cream in the middle.

I decided to add one of those nifty little blog roll features in my side bar.
If you're a frequent visitor, and would like to see your blog listed, just leave a comment with your URL, and I'll check it out!


In the meantime, go read up on these other fine bloggers. You'll enjoy it, I promise.

Til next squeak,

What? I've been tagged?!

Melanie tagged me with the "six quirky things" meme!
Here are the rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged me.
2) Mention the rules.
3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.
4) Tag 6 other blogger´s by linking to them.
5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

Oy vay. I don't think I even know 6 other bloggers! guess I'm a loser huh?
Heheheh. Oh well, here goes nothing!

1) I have conjoined toes on both feet, although one foot has it worse than the other. It's always kinda bugged me that people thought it was cool. It was also the first thing I checked on when the kids where born. And no, they don't have them. ~whew~

2) Melanie may be a sheet snob, but I'm a coffee snob. Mr. P. bought me a Keurig B60 Special Edition for my birthday, and frankly, I'm ready to marry the darn thing. If you've never had coffee brewed from a K-cup, you haven't lived. I think it all started with frequenting coffee houses as a teenager.

3) I secretly want another baby only so I can buy really cute cloth diapers. Now, keep in mind that the idea of washing those dipes skeeves me out, but still. ~shhhh...don't tell anyone, especially not my family~

4) I have discovered many uses for coconut oil (ahem, Melanie, you *know* where I learned the original use!) however my favorite use by far is to soothe skin that's itchy from sunburn. You may not think you could use a cooking oil for all kinds of MacGyver-type things, but you'd be dead wrong, baby. It's almost a hobby at this point.

5) Making phone calls makes me so nervous I almost vomit. Praise God for Caller ID! Even if it's someone I know well, it still makes me ill. Stage fright or something, I dunno.

6) I have 7 nipples. No, really. It's like this :::.
OK so not really. But I had you going, right?


So, I'll tag

Mr. P.- Mr. P.'s Wild Ride (warning- contains foul language by teh bucket)
Cat- This Much Is True (again, some foul language, but fun-nay stuff abounds)
Rhiana- My So-Called Life
Becca- Montana Meeks
Lori- Reflections and Ramblings of a Not-So-Super Woman
Laura- Sweet Awakenings

Til next squeak,

That ol' memory lane

Recently, I was blessed to be able to visit a dear friend and her new daughter. Now, granted, as a mom of boys, I know next to nothing about raising a small thing covered in pink, but I'm betting the logistics are the same in those early days.
What a blessing that visit was! Between Tank recently turning 5 (and how did that happen without my permission?!?!) and my bouts of baby fever, it was alternately strange and sweet to hold her little one. Mr. P. came with me so that we could give her a hand in whatever she may have needed around the house, including a healthy dose of adult conversation. Seeing him cuddling with the baby started my heart down that famed road of remembrance I've heard so much about.
Nostalgia has never been my strong suit. There's been far too much in my life I've cared to forget, and not much I've wanted to preserve in my heart of hearts. The rare moment when I find myself swept away by a sweet memory, well, let's say that I find myself in one of 2 states. That would be either unable to cope or simply thanking God for giving me that moment, both past and present. (I say unable to cope because, alas, I am unequipped to handle the good things in life it often seems. A flashback of childhood abuse? Yeah I can cope effectively with that. A memory of holding my own children when they were smaller? Good Lord in Heaven above help me.)
It turned out that the Lord decided to save the strangest of personal revelations for last that day. In talking with my friend, answering questions about what was normal for babies at that stage, and giving her encouragement that the exhaustion and helpless feelings don't last forever (her baby is going through colic and that can be a very challenging thing, as many of us with older children know), a funny thing occurred to me. For the first time in my life, I felt like an adult. That may sound quite odd, but bear with me. For as long as I can remember, my parents drilled into my head that I would never "grow up". I would forever be immature, and a brat. Ok so they did not put it so nicely, but you see where this is going? I know that's why I look forward to my 30th birthday with such glee. Perhaps then, I'll finally have arrived to adulthood.
How weird and wonderful, that gift from both God and my friend, to feel "adult" and experienced but in a wholesome way in that moment. A taste of normalcy I rarely experience. And it just goes to show another of His blessings in the gift of children. Much healing has taken place in my life since I've become a mother. Being able to give my children a home that's pure of heart is maybe the greatest gift that those little boys have given me.
This little trip down memory lane has allowed me glimpse of the girl I once was. Broken, battered in spirit, and full of rage at the world. I've come a long way, only by the grace of God. The scars upon me are still quite red and vivid, but so much of that brokenness has been repaired by the simple gifts of this family of mine. I'm definitely a different woman than I was just a few months ago. I look forward to the woman God is molding me to be in coming years. I wonder just what I'll think of myself when I look back down that ol' memory lane a few years from now. Let's hope it's something good.

Til next squeak,

Old Cheese, new cheese, related cheese

Mr. P. and I have recently joined some "social networking" sites. We have found it is a great way to track down old friends as long as you are careful about where you wander.
One person we both have as a "friend" now is Mr. P.'s little sister. Sis P is in college so this has been a real blessing for Mr. P. As much as he will never admit it to her face, I know he missed her and worried for her. What I have found amusing is that Sis P is unwittingly following in my footsteps, at least in the employment field. She has held 2 of the exact same first jobs that I did around her age.
I have also found 2 very dear friends from high school. Our Christian prom picture still hangs on my living room wall. I think I have changed the least out of the 3 of us. Still no ambition, and still content with that. Both now have or are working towards careers and from what I can tell, seem quite happy.
One friend is now expecting her first child. I couldn't be happier for her. I think back on how neither of our kids were welcomed into this world by any other than us, and a spare few. Not to mention the reactions to any of our previous pregnancy "scares". My prayer is that every woman would get to experience a joyful pregnancy and childbirth, fully supported by those around her regardless of her circumstances. I look forward to attending her baby shower.
For some reason unknown to me, Mr. P. decided to have his co-workers as "friends". Somehow, his boss tracked me down and decided that we should be friends too. Hmmm. It is this sort of thing that distinctly makes me flash back to grade school.
"Will you be my fwiend?"
I hope to find other old friends and relatives. This whole internet thing really does amaze me at times. How easy it can make your life, but how dangerous it can be at the very same time.
So I raise a glass of fine wine to the cheese in my life. Because really, what goes together better than that?