Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

It's late tonight, so please forgive me if this post seems all to brief or somewhat jumbled.

My heart is heavy tonight with a burden not my own. I've been blessed enough to never have lost someone dear to me. Yet God has called me to live out the above verse this night.
Please join me in prayer if you read this. Let us lift up those who mourn to the One who can mend broken hearts and lives. And if you are like me, having never experienced the horrid fullness of grief yourself, praise Him as well.
I can't help but think of my dear friends who have lost children, nieces and nephews, parents or spouses. My loving family who grieve for lost fathers, grandmothers, mothers and friends. And so very many other people around the world in the same boat.
Love should carry us always, and the love God showers on us can be so easily turned outward for something as simple as prayer.
Again, please join me. And if you, Dear Reader, are one of those who mourn, know we mourn with you as well and are praying for your heart.


Til next squeak,

Fertile ground

I'm infertile. I have a hard time saying that, even now. I know it in my head, but my heart screams out denials. When I first threw in the towel, followed God's prodding, and adopted quiverfull ideals (I'm still loathe to say "convictions"), I assumed I'd become pregnant shortly thereafter. Ha. I guess God had a lot more to show me than just trusting Him for my family size.
Hebrews 11:39,40. This just jumped out at me this week at the grocery store, of all places. (iPod apps are wonderful for this sort of thing)

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.
God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

If you are at all familiar with this chapter, you'll know that it's commonly referred to as the Hall of Faith (or sometimes Hall of Fame) chapter. Hmmm. Among many things us Christians tend to believe in the Bible, one of the biggies is that all God's promises are for us. After reading this chapter, particularly those verses, I'm sure that's not the case.
It's been 2 years now that I've been hoping, praying, and waiting on God to give us a new baby. About 8 months ago, I started to really question myself. Just what was it about me that God hated so much that He wouldn't bless me? Was it this? Was it that? Was it because of this thing I once did, or that thing I'd never do? Why wasn't He fulfilling His promise? What did I do wrong?
In the last 2 months though, God has worked amazing miracles in my heart. He's changed my way of thinking in subtle but stunning measures. He's lifted me from the depths of depression. Mostly, He's given me a compassionate heart where once there was stone. So much of these blessings would never have come if I were not infertile. Had I not been so broken, He couldn't have had the raw material with which to build me up.
Maybe God's promises to bless by opening the womb are not for me. Who knows. But I have learned that a broken heart can provide the Lord with surprisingly fertile ground for other, even more miraculous promises.

Til next squeak,

Swimming upstream

I'm a mother. I'm a Christian. I'm praying my 2 sons will grow to be strong in Christ. Frankly, I think any mom who is in Him would have that as a priority. Unfortunately, these days there's a battle brewing. It's a Mommy War out there.
Mainstream vs. AP. Crunchy vs. soggy. Vaccinations vs. non-vaxxers. Breast vs. bottle. Cloth vs. disposable. Public school vs. private school vs. homeschool. Young moms vs. older moms. Moms of young kids vs. moms of older kids. Moms of 1 kid vs. moms of many. God help us all, it never ends. Any parenting issue you can think of, women can fight over it. Think lunchtime is a total non-issue? Guess again. My blue boxed mac and cheese vs. her homemade, all natural, organic, whole grain mac and vegan cheese substitute.
Believe me, I wish I was joking. We moms pay lip service to the whole "as long as they're loved and cared for, that's all that matters" notion. The truth is that if we're not getting in each others' faces about any issue under the sun, we're talking smack about each other in the strangest of ways. Facebook anyone?
These days it confounds me even more that Christian mothers seem to take these battles to a higher level. I suppose that's natural though. Whenever one thinks God is on their side, cockiness is bound to happen. After all, if God is for me, He certainly can't be for you.
If we're supposed to be a Body, functioning as one...
If we're supposed to help each other grow in Him, not cause a sister to stumble and sin...
If we're supposed to love each other as He loves us...
why do I have the sinking suspicion that we are failing on an epic scale?
And as for all the Spy vs. Spy nonsense, let's step back a moment and ask ourselves a few questions. Will my child one day hate me if I did not breastfeed him? Will my child one day thank me for not putting him in cloth diapers? Will my child one day express regret that I vaccinated him? Will my child one day tell me that I thoroughly humiliated him by pushing him in a stroller when he could've been le chic enfant in a Babyhawk? Honestly, I sure hope no one has these kind of conversation starters come from their kids. My sons are 8 and 6 years old. Not once has my 8 year old told me he wished he'd been breastfed instead of bottlefed. Never once has my 6 year old told me he felt neglected because he rode in a double stroller with his brother when we ran errands back in the day.
What my kids do tell me is that they love me. What I tell them is that I love them more than they can imagine, and that Jesus loves them more than I ever could. When I look into their eyes, I don't see all the ways I've screwed up (and if you're a regular reader, you know it's quite a bit) in their young lives. I see all the potential they have before them, all the grace God has bestowed upon us, and all the joyful years we have ahead of us.
I'm just one little fish in the pond full of different moms with different parenting styles. Lately though, I feel like I've been swimming upstream.

Til next squeak,

A slightly sinking feeling

I'm not a very good liberal. Honestly. Then again, I don't think I have it in me to be a conservative. So, where does one go from here?
I've got that old sinking feeling that God's about to boot me in the behind to a new level of...something. Exactly what I don't know, but the feeling is there.
It's been on my heart for awhile now that perhaps some of the things we've been going through as a family and on a personal level have been due to my not-conservative-ness. So often you hear that God wants His people to be xyz because the Bible says abc and of course this means you should think/feel/believe 123. Gah. It's enough to make one want to rip their hair out in frustration.
The question then becomes one of belief vs. fake-itude. (love my word-makeitup-ness? I know I do) If God truly wants His flock to genuinely believe xyz, then is it acceptable to "fake it til ya make it"? How does one change a belief? Is it even possible?
Do you just research the issues? Or just read your Bible? Do you just say "God says this, so I believe this", even if you don't feel it in your heart?
Mmmm, that taste in your throat yet? Perhaps it's your own version of that slightly sinking feeling.

Til next squeak,

The unexpected places

Sometimes, it not only takes me by surprise, but amazes me entirely the way God can speak to our hearts.
In the last 5 months or so, I've been battling depression...again. In my life, I've been in treatment 4+ years for various mental disorders. And a few years ago, I thought, by the grace of God, I'd had it licked.
Guess I was wrong.
As I sunk lower into myself and the hurts I've been feeling, I drifted farther away from my Lord and Savior. Oftentimes, I felt as though I've been talking to brick wall when it came to my prayers and times of seeking His face. Where was He when my heart was breaking? Didn't He always promise to be with us every step of the way? Why are all these things happening to me? Did I screw up big time, or is there a meaning to all this?
While those questions still plague me, God found me today. Or rather, I found Him in a very unexpected place.
Earlier, I wrote an email to a dear sister in Christ. And while I was sharing my heart with her, our Lord shared His with me.
I don't know how many of you were taught to swim by being tossed unceremoniously into the pool by your dad. Lord knows I was! Picture for a moment, the small child being scooped up into her daddy's safe embrace. As he walks towards the cool blue waters, she feels no fear. But then, all that is gone in an instant. She finds herself sinking fast, wondering why her loving father would toss her away, sinking into deeper waters than she could handle.
As she flounders in the pool, kicking with all her might, her father looks on, knowing just when he should intervene.
One moment she's terrified, darkness closing in around her. The next, she feels her daddy's strong arms around her, pulling her to safety.
You know, I think God is like that too, except with deeper knowledge of pool safety.
Deep water faith in the shallow end. That's how most of us live our lives of faith. Confident we can handle what comes our way because, after all, our heads are way above water. And one day, our Father scoops us up for that walk to deeper waters. He knows we can not only survive it, but grow to be stronger swimmers from some time in the deep end of the pool. And with a heart stopping plunge, we find ourselves in a sink-or-swim situation. I'll be the first to admit that the struggle for the surface can be harrowing. However, once we can clear the water from our ears, we can be sure to hear His voice.
"Did you know you could do that, My darling child? Know that I'm always watching over you as test out these deeper waters. Under My watchful eye, you'll grow to be comfortable and confident in the pool. And should you need Me, I'm right here to pull you out."
Yes, God can find us in some unexpected places. Be it poolside or simply in front of our inbox.

Til next squeak,

Church heathen

1st, props if you know the song I stole the title from.
2nd, this topic has been swirling through my mind goo for a few weeks now. It's pretty hot button, so it'll fit perfectly here.
I'm quoting from a friend's post on my message board. While I love what she said further on (it really REALLY challenges the way we as a church treat sin/sinners), I'm completely enamored of the basic concept as well.

You know what? Divorce makes me sick. It is an abomination!! It is unnatural! How do you take apart two people when they have been made one! God actually says in the bible that he hates divorce! And it is SO SICK, there are divorced people at my CHURCH! And you know what, we can't preach against divorce because it might offend them, and if we offend them we can get sued! But some pastors even preach that divorce is okay! UGH. The divorced people are hindering church for the rest of us. And you know what is worse? They are teaching my kids in school that divorce is OKAY! Even some of the TEACHERS are divorced!! Isn't the disgusting? There are tons of parents in my kids class that are divorced too... it just makes me so sick, I wish there was a law banning divorce!

Now think about that for a second.
That rant should sound familiar to anyone who has ever attended church. Simply insert the word "homosexual" wherever you see "divorce".
Hmmm. Makes you sit back, doesn't it?
While my dear Snarfy had a fantastic point, I want to address the original point.
What if, just what if, we as a church body actually did take a radical stand against divorce? Hmmm, wait, I know the church prefers "pro" stand points. So, what if we became passionately pro-marriage?
I don't mean making sure that no one besides heterosexual couples can marry. Currently, that's the stand we as a people of faith take. I mean making divorce the life destroying sin that it is. Divorce is not a choice to toss around so flippantly as we currently do. I see nowhere in God's word that says it's fine to split if you no longer get along. Hell, even abuse is not a reason to divorce! And frankly, what with the Jon and Kate scandal, let's remember that even adultery is not a reason to divorce. We are "allowed" divorce for unfaithfulness because of the hardness of our hearts. Pretty sad, huh? Isn't it far better to pray for a softening of the marriage partners' hearts unto reconciliation?
Matthew 19
Divorce
1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
Now it's not as though I have no clue what I'm talking about. Mr. P. and I very nearly divorced. I cheated on him! Yet here we are today, strong in our marriage with our hearts joined to each other as it should be.
What if we stopped teaching our kids that divorce is an option? Ya know, we tell them that by the example we set in our own lives. What do you think marriage would look like if we taught our kids this simple concept?
We as a church say that marriage is a living example of Christ's relationship with us. Oh really? Do you think He'd ditch us and ask for alimony? Frankly, we all cheat on the Lord all the time. Too much time online? Coveting your neighbor's green lawn and nice new Lincoln? Perhaps obsessing over your charts and spending all your waking thoughts desiring the next blessing? ( ) All these are examples of giving our love, devotion, and attention to something other than our Husband. Yet, He never leaves us by the wayside. Why, if we're saying that our marriages are pictures of this beauty, would we ever consider divorce for any reason at all? Why would we allow our kids to think it's an "acceptable sin"?
No sin is worse than any other. However, in the church we've come to a place where some are considered by us fallible mortals to be far more deserving of our venom or passion than others. And that, Dear Reader, has contributed to the dividing line between "Body parts". When the mouth is no longer speaking with the eyes, and the hand has not a thing to do with the foot, where do we end up?
A bunch of church heathens, gossiping in the pews.
Just think on it for a bit. If we treated divorcees half as poorly as we treated homosexuals, then how would outsiders look at us? And if we took a stand and lived what we preached, then how would they see us?

Til next squeak,

God hates liberals...

Right? Isn't that what we're taught in church? Stick a big red "L" on their shirts and let's all call it a day.
It's no secret to most that I'm proudly liberal leaning. It's also no secret that the vast majority of the people I know are quite conservative.
That said, it should also come as no surprise that I've been feeling lost and miserable, kinda floating along without friends.
I have been wondering for awhile now why God has brought me into the company of so very many conservative people. If we serve a God who truly has our very best in mind, then what the dealio?
In the last 3 years, I've tried on and off to become more conservative, both in my manner and my thoughts. Can we say epic fail? Each time I try, I just end up...well, where I am right now. Feeling like a fool who lacks the very thing that makes one a Christian.
All these feelings are part of what makes me avoid church. I haven't been since October '08. I know I should go back, believe me I do. But I just can't. Feeling this way makes me vastly edit what I say, or simply say nothing at all. (I bet you're thinking "Ahhh, so that explains the recent long silences!") That is both in my online interactions, and in real life. (IRL!)
When you feel like you have to tread on eggshells around everyone in your life, it can make a person very jumpy. Sometimes it's easier to withdraw into my little family and forget there's even a larger world out there. When you come down to it, if you have to keep your heart hidden away from those you call friend, really what kind of friendship is that? Or if you have to refrain from speaking up about the hurts and slights you may feel because you are the minority, how is that building up the Body of Christ?
I guess I'm feeling pretty disillusioned with the whole inner workings of Christian fellowship right now. I'm sure we all go through phases like this, but it seems God brings me here regularly. Do I think He wants me to become like those He draws me to? Lord, I'm on my knees crying out "NO!" Please? But if the Body is the true reflection of Him as we often pray to be, claim to be, then perhaps God does hate liberals. And maybe that is why I am where I so often find myself. I pray the answer comes soon.

Til next squeak,

The view from here

There was once a time in my life when I'd would just talk a person's ear off, especially if I was going through some emotional turmoil.
These days, I find myself withdrawing and turning to nothing in particular. It's an odd place to be. Sitting at the 'puter and staring blankly at the screen all day has not been fun.
I keep thinking of the trip to Disney World my family took back when I was 11 or 12 years old. When our plane reached Atlanta, we spent over an hour circling the airport. Why? Nasty storms had descended upon the area but from our vantage, things looked more or less fine.
Perhaps that's what is going on in my life now. Maybe God has me in a holding pattern because from where I sit, I can't see the storms He's protecting me from. I'd imagine we've all seen that bumper sticker that reads "God is my co-pilot". What a strange thing to feel in action though.
There's been so very much on my mind and my heart lately that I can't find the words for. Everything seems to have been put on pause for now. I'm not sure why God has chosen to leave me in this spot, waiting. The part of me that continually struggles to grow in faith feels like an abandoned child. The other part of me, the part that speaks in cool tones of reason, tells me that Father knows best, and much like that plane trip of long ago, sometimes the weather isn't always as peachy as it would seem to be.
I don't know about you, but there are times I wish I could see clearly from God's spot on the tarmac. You would think the view from up here would be so much more enthralling. But once you're above those clouds, well, that's all you see. You need your man on the ground to bring you in safely. You've got to trust in his judgement, no matter how you may long to land that bird and go have a glass of wine.
I'm still clinging to the hope that some day, God will tell me to come on down from above these as-yet-unseen-by-me storm clouds. The view from here is getting bland and tiring. Til then though, there's not much to do but wait on instructions from my Man on the ground.

Til next squeak,

Spiritual load time

I don't know if anyone else feels like this from time to time. For me, whenever God is trying to teach me something, it involves waiting. Because I'm thick-headed, I rage against this spiritual load time. This poem just about ripped my hurting heart out but in a good way! I thought I'd share it for anyone else going through a period of waiting on the Lord.
Wait by Russell Kelfer

Til next squeak,

Oh baby, it's on!

So I've decided to do it. Yup, I'll be starting my own message board/forum for Christian mothers.
God, what am I thinking?!
I've gotten a tremendous amount of positive feedback from friends, and I think it has the potential to be something wonderful. Right now, I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed with all that needs to be thought of when designing your own place. I'm hoping to have it up and running within the week.
So, stay tuned for the addy! I'm hoping that many of you will be able to join us. It should certainly prove to be interesting, if nothing else.



Til next squeak,

A call in the night

I don't know about others, but I've always dreaded this scenario. The phone rings in the dead of the night. The tears, the sirens, and the words:
"There was a fire..."
Well, that was my reality tonight.
My mother called just after 10pm with those very words. And as much as I don't get along with my younger brother, my heart dropped into my stomach just then. Oh Lord. Did my brother make it out? What exactly happened?
They both got out, although the rear of the building was engulfed in flames. My next thought, cat lover that I am, was for their 3 kittehs. My mother informed me that only 2 of them were saved.
God in Heaven above, I know that's not a reason for tears, but I wept. Hysterically. Praising God for keeping my family alive, and yet grieving for what their reality would soon become. I knew it hadn't hit them yet.
Mom asked me to call the Red Cross and find out what I could. Meanwhile, I asked my friends and sisters in Christ for prayer. Silly as it may seem, God indeed hears even our smallest prayers.
Shortly thereafter, Mom called back. A fireman found my brother's cat Guiness. She was alive!
God heard our call in the night.

Til next squeak,

Who planned that trip?

I've always been the type to get all reflective (inflective? inflictive? infected? bah.) at the close of the year. Perhaps it's because of the wild ride my life has oftentimes been. (heheh Mr. P., stole your blog title) Regardless, in years previous, I've kept my observations of the year to myself, but this year, I have the Maze! w00t! That means now I have all of you to annoy with my dorkitude.

---

This year has been interesting to say the least. For one thing, I've managed to blog for a whole year! Yay! I don't stick with much for long so that really is saying something. When I set out in this Maze, I thought somewhere in the back of my mind that it wouldn't last long because I'm not the writer in the family. Mr. P. has always been the one with the passion for the written arts. I discovered that I enjoy this thing called blogging more than I ever dreamed I might. Lucky for you huh?
Part of the dubious joys of blogging has been watching my inner (and often very hidden) self come through and grow. I'm not the person I was at the beginning of the year, and that's both good and bad. With me, it's always been a 1 step forward, 2 steps back proposition. As I get older, I find that assessment holds even more weight.
Speaking of weight, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have joined a gym. <---- gotta love this! I'm looking forward to heading back, now that I have clearance from my surgeon.
Another great segue! Having surgery this year was certainly not in my plans back in January, but I'm grateful for it now. Each day feels like a renewed blessing. Corny to be sure, but very true. It's amazing how you can adjust to long-term pain, but then can quickly forget just how bad it was once you've been set free of it.
Being set free...reminds me of how far I was coming in my faith at the start of the year, and how far I've fallen now. That ol' 1-2 step thing again. In my short time as a Christian, I've had to face many personal demons, and it seems this wacky election year brought many old issues up again for me. Aside from all the ridiculous bickering and BS in the months leading up to Election Day, many of the issues that come with a POTUS race force one to define how they look at the world, and thus in turn, what kind of person they are or hope to be. For those of us with a religious bent, it becomes so much more. It's enough to make you want to not be a grown-up anymore.
Growing up. Ahh. Not only has it been bittersweet to watch my boys grow by leaps and bounds this year, but to find myself feeling like an adult for the first time as well. It's a strange thing for me, and one of the few remaining psychological strongholds my father had on me.
Parents. Meh. Actually, this year has been a defining one for me as a mother. Now I look at my kids in a new light, and hopefully, any other kidlets that come along will help me along this road. The boys have really helped refine me, and challenge me as a mother and person. This year has been the first since their return home that I did not look at our home life and think only of how lacking it was.
Home. As far as 4 letter words go, that's about the best in my mind. This year has been one of tremendous growth and change in our home, and in my marriage. Mr. P. and I have finally figured each other out, and gotten this lil sapling of marital bliss to put down roots. After being rocked by the storms life has thrown our way, it's so good to be where we are. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I know back at the beginning of this journey into blogging, I shared my heart's verse.

Proverbs 16:9- In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Looking back, it's pretty clear that He had a different path planned out for me than I did. I can only guess at what 2009 may have in store for us. Lord willing, it'll be just as inspiring and exciting as this one was. For all it's frustrations and fears, highs and lows, 2008 has been a year like no other. I'm glad this trip wasn't all that I planned it to be. His steps were far better than mine.

Til next squeak,

Paw praises and updates!

Well, all went well. Beyond anyone's expectations! I'm thanking God for being with me today, and providing for the ideal (dare I say...perfect?) surgical experience. Actually, if I weren't so stoned on percs right now, I'd be dancing with joy.
Aside from feeling like I have a normal human hand again, the very best part was being treated delightfully human. Until you've had the horrible experience of being treated like nothing more than monstrous numbers on a scale, it's hard to imagine just how grateful I am to my medical team at UCONN right now. I somehow doubt they often get patients weeping with gratitude as soon as they wake up.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, Dear Squeakers. Keep 'em coming as this first week post-op will prove to be challenging.

Til next squeak,

Well that just burst my bubble

Have I mentioned how much I hate politics, and all things associated with politics? Like, say, political agendas?
I'm pro-choice. I don't hide and I don't apologize for it. Yes, I'm a Christian. I don't hide and I don't apologize for it. Guess what? It's possible to be both, despite what you may think.
However, getting into a debate over all this BS will kill any joy you may have. Let me tell you, sistah.
Just yesterday, I was thinking about how in a few days time, I'll be going in for my orthopedic appointment for this carpal tunnel garbage. Then we'll know what's going to happen, if I'm having surgery, and when. Yay! But even better than the prospect of no more paw pain was the joy of looking forward to my future with Mr. P.
You see, he finally gave me the go-ahead for us to try to conceive our 3rd child as soon as I've recovered from the surgery. That's something I've been wanting and dreaming about for awhile now. I was thisclose to letting myself browse around for baby items, to dream of baby names, and to plan how to parent our newest sweet little one.
But, after I just had to stick my nose into a conversation about ending abortion (please hear my sarcasm there), now I'm stuck feeling like the world's biggest pile of troll poo.
I don't know if we'll have any more kids. That's not really in my hands to decide. Frankly, we're not the kind of people who should be having kids, and I know that. Most days, I don't let it bug me. I let my heart speak for me, not my logical mind. But then there's days like today when I know that if we did conceive, we'd probably be best off aborting. And if we do conceive, I'm sure we'll hear all about what a mistake we've made. Some days, I'm not sure if I want to go through that again. Other days, I think about how I have yet to have a truly joyful pregnancy, and maybe this time it could be different. After all, we are older now, and married. But then again, not much else has changed.
~sigh~
If you don't struggle with these sorts of thoughts and emotional battles, be grateful. It's not a great place to be. It'll really burst your bubble.

Til next squeak,

Mind of God, will of man

Typically I have some smarty-pants kinda title for my posts, but not today Dear Squeaker.
Today I "overheard" an interesting conversation. (as much as one can overhear anything online)
Someone asked if a person can influence what God will do, or change the course of what He's decided. In other words, can a person move God's hand? The example cited was Matthew 15:21-28, specifically NKJV.

21 Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.” 23 But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” 24 But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” 25 Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” 26 But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” 27 And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” 28 Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

The emphasis here was on verse 25. The idea that although denied, the woman worshipped anyway, believing that Jesus would indeed heal her daughter despite His previous decision not to.
Hmmm.

I'm gonna put a few other translations up (the one I use all the time is NIV) and then kinda tell you all what I think the key part is.

NIV:
21Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession."
23Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us."
24He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."
25The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord, help me!" she said.
26He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."
27"Yes, Lord," she said, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."
28Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour.


The Message:
21-22From there Jesus took a trip to Tyre and Sidon. They had hardly arrived when a Canaanite woman came down from the hills and pleaded, "Mercy, Master, Son of David! My daughter is cruelly afflicted by an evil spirit."
23Jesus ignored her. The disciples came and complained, "Now she's bothering us. Would you please take care of her? She's driving us crazy."
24Jesus refused, telling them, "I've got my hands full dealing with the lost sheep of Israel."
25Then the woman came back to Jesus, went to her knees, and begged. "Master, help me."
26He said, "It's not right to take bread out of children's mouths and throw it to dogs."
27She was quick: "You're right, Master, but beggar dogs do get scraps from the master's table."
28Jesus gave in. "Oh, woman, your faith is something else. What you want is what you get!" Right then her daughter became well.

NASB:
21Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon.
22And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed."
23But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, "Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us."
24But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
25But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!"
26And He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."
27But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table."
28Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once.

NLT:
21 Then Jesus left Galilee and went north to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Gentile woman who lived there came to him, pleading, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her severely.”
23 But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. “Tell her to go away,” they said. “She is bothering us with all her begging.”
24 Then Jesus said to the woman, “I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep—the people of Israel.”
25 But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, “Lord, help me!”
26 Jesus responded, “It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.”
27 She replied, “That’s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.”
28 “Dear woman,” Jesus said to her, “your faith is great. Your request is granted.” And her daughter was instantly healed.

Amplified Bible:

21And going away from there, Jesus withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon.
22And behold, a woman who was a Canaanite from that district came out and, with a [loud, troublesomely urgent] cry, begged, Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is miserably and distressingly and cruelly possessed by a demon!
23But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, Send her away, for she is crying out after us.
24He answered, I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
25But she came and, kneeling, worshiped Him and kept praying, Lord, help me!
26And He answered, It is not right (proper, becoming, or fair) to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs.
27She said, Yes, Lord, yet even the little pups (little whelps) eat the crumbs that fall from their [young] masters' table.
28Then Jesus answered her, O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you wish. And her daughter was cured from that moment.


Ok, so that's probably enough translations huh? Whew!
While each of the 6 different translations say verse 25 a little differently, they all keep verse 23 essentially the same and I think that's where we need to look.
Jesus never actually said "No.". Technically, He didn't say anything to her at first.
I think there's really 2 questions here, and they are 2 that people tend to lump together. Can you make God change His mind and can you make Him act in a different fashion than He originally did towards you?
Hmmm.
I don't personally think we can make God change His mind. I think He has planned things much the way we do. Plan A and Plan B. Which plan He chooses depends upon our actions and choices. Sometimes, that choice might be prayer or worship. How often do we know a loved one (such as our spouse) wants something specific from us, but we wait for them to ask? I don't know about you, but I do it a lot. I don't think it's any different with God. He knew I really didn't want to get AF while I was sick this week. He waited to act until I asked Him to help me deal with it.
(incidentally, the answer I got to that prayer was not what I thought it'd be and that there is another great post too...well, not about AF but about being careful whatcha pray for...DOH)
Maybe sometimes God chooses not to answer, to have us wait, and we mistake the silence for a "No". Maybe sometimes He really does say "No" and after much prayer, the change we feel is the God-given ability to accept His answer. Maybe He's just waiting to hear from us, and maybe sometimes He's got a lesson for us in the waiting.
There's a lot we'll never clearly know about the mind of God and the will of man this side of Heaven. Those 2 concepts have been at odds since the Garden. And that's ok. It has to be. Because if you spend your time railing against it all you'll never fully enjoy the real beauty of God. That He really is waiting to hear from us every day. Our prayers, our praises, our tears, our joys. He wants it all. He can't complete His plans without it.

Til next squeak,

G'morning Papa

~It's me. Do You have time to talk over breakfast? Are You too busy this morning? I hope not.
I've missed You.
How are You? Is that silly? Do Your other kids even ask You that anymore? I know so many of us say we know Your heart Papa, but really, how are You today?
We've been sick here, and always seem to end up running late getting out the door in the morning. What about You? Do You ever get frustrated getting Your angels up and running some mornings? Well, I bet that's got to be awesome to be able to welcome those of Your kids who were sick though. Get to tell them they don't have to worry anymore, right?
Thanks for sharing my coffee time with me Papa. Did I mention I missed You so much?
I know I haven't been the best daughter. Things have been busy lately. It's almost Thanksgiving. Don't You just love this time of year? Maybe it'd be better if more of us here would be thankful for the right things huh?
Speaking of thankful, Papa I know I haven't exactly been as grateful as I should be for all that You've given me. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry I haven't been the kind of daughter You've needed me to be. Please forgive me? I love You.
{sigh}
Papa, can we do this more often? Make time for each other? I miss You.
We can? Anytime? Thank You!
You know, it's getting to be time to run my errands. I've gotta head out. I'm sorry Papa. Tomorrow we'll talk again. I promise to keep You in my mind and my heart today, especially when I'm dealing with the kids. Could You help me get through the day?
I love You.
I'll talk to You later Papa.
I promise.~

Til next squeak,

This is a rant. This is only a rant.

WARNING: If you are conservative in any way, shape, or form, I HIGHLY recommend skipping this post. Or if you're sensitive to foul language, because I make no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it rated G. Actually, unless you're a commie liberal freak like me, just stop right here. No good can come of it, except for you choosing to send me a nice pipe bomb for Christmas, or perhaps some kind of scathing comment.
Speaking of comments, I think I won't be publishing any on this post. After all, it's only a rant.

---

I'm so done with people. Just call me Mrs. Hermit. Mostly, I'm done with conservatives, but particularly conservative Christians. (sorry to roughly 85% of my readership...can't say I didn't warn ya not to read this post!)
Ever since Election Day, my conservative McCain-anite counterparts have been more or less unbearable. Now, I'll allow that President-Elect Obama did not have my vote either, however there are certain things about politics that Christians need to come to terms with:
(emphasis mine)
Romans 13
Submission to the Authorities
1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

And then here:

1 Timothy 2
Instructions on Worship
1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Ok c'mon people. How about instead of all the complaining, the posturing, the self-righteous indignation...
We do as the Lord asks.
~Whoa. Back that truck up.~
Yeah I know, how dare I. But I do.
If I had a buck for every time I've heard something to the effect that now is our nation's time of judgement, or someone "questioning" Mr. Obama's Christianity, I could take my fam and buy a nice lil island somewhere. Ah peace and quiet.
It's time to get real, folks. Either live out your faith, or shut up. Stop grandstanding like a pouting 3 year old who didn't get his lollipop, and do what the Bible tells you to. And no, praying for Obama's assassination does NOT count, asswipe.
Aside from all the politalk, it all boils down to this: conservatives know they're better/righter/godlier than the rest of us. But I ask, is that true? If they show they can't do much more than run their mouths after a defeat, really, how much better are they? Isn't that the kinda behavior us liberal bastards are supposed to indulge in?
Ah but I digress. So much to rant about, so little caring.
The truth of the matter is when I face the Lord at my demise (hopefully not by holiday pipe bomb), I'll probably be one of those wanna-be Christians who are turned away. May as well tell the truth and shame the devil as they say. But the flip side of that is that I just cannot bring myself to be more like them. I used to want that. Hell, I used to try to behave like that, think like that, talk like that. It worked for maybe 4 months before I became increasingly disgusted with myself.
I won't say I'll never be one of those conservative types. When it comes to God and what He can do, I've learned to never say never. I will say that I'm praying to never have my head shoved so far up my butt that I'm incapable of having compassion for anyone around me, or getting crazy-frothing-at-the-mouth offended at every single thing that's not within my definition of morality. Lord, please! If He decides one day that I need to be hopping on the conservative Christian bandwagon, hopefully He'll grant me the grace to remember where I've come from so that I can retain the characteristics I hold dear. If not, well, hopefully someone (Mr. P.) will flame me in a blog rant.
After all, it's only a rant.

Til next squeak,

I just don't get it anymore.

Mr. P. and I have been having on-going conversations about people-in-general, Christians-specifically, and hypocrisy. Frankly, I'm all confuseded now.
If you change your mind on something, you're a hypocrite. If you tell someone else to do/think something you don't or haven't previously, you're a hypocrite. And of course, Christians are hypocrites more than the general population. (hope your hearing my sarcasm) Oh, and being a hypocrite is the worst thing one could end up being.
Have I got all the bases covered there?
How's a person supposed to feel about hypocrisy? And is a Christian supposed to ignore feeling like a hypocrite and chalk it up to spiritual growth? Or does that depend on what's making the Christian in question (say that 10x fast) feel like a hypocrite?
This just makes my head hurt.

Til next squeak,

File this under...

"People who probably shouldn't be famous but for some messed up reason...are."
What a file tab huh?
This post may offend readers, but probably not as much as Mr. P.'s post on the same topic. Although, if you're not easily offended by coarse language, it may give you a chuckle.
Let's have a little chat about famous people and how they got that way. Last night on TLC, the Duggar family's new series began. Mr. P. and I always have some pretty interesting conversations when it comes to 2 types of shows. Baby-related shows, and wife-swapping shows. So when I mentioned to him about clan Duggar's latest effort (take that how you will), he frothed at the mouth for a bit about how their fame is just as unwarranted as Paris Hilton's. And ironically, they're all famous for about the same reasons. Wait, Mr. P., surely you aren't equating this fine upstanding Christian family to a porno-filming, consequence-dodging, media whore? Oh yeah.
But his reasoning did make me think on this most of the night. What is it that makes people either love or hate the Duggars? Likewise, people either love or hate Paris. And really, how did these people get so famous?
With Paris, it doesn't take that much imagination to figure out the how's and why's of her fame. As Mr. P. put it, she got a record deal 'cause she knows how to blow. Not that that couldn't be said of other starlets, but let's try to stick to this particular piece of work. (BTW, anyone remember her stab at musical fame? Bwah. ~shudders~)
But then we have the Duggar family. I'll admit they are not the typical family, what with 17 kids and all. But, and this is a big but, they certainly are not the only large Quiverfull family out there. They're merely the one captured by the media most often. And if we're gonna go down that road, Mrs. Duggar doesn't even hold a childbirth record. So why the buzz over them? Is it the "J" names for the kids? Is it the throwback clothes and hair? Is it just shock and awe at the notion of a married couple never using birth control? Egads how irresponsible! I think it's a variety of those reasons. That, and people like to snoop in on others' lives. (After all, that's the meat and potatoes of reality tv. A chance to legally pry into someone else's life for an hour of so every week.)
I think I agree with Mr. P. to a point that the Duggars wouldn't have half of what they do if it weren't for their fame. Then again, their fame has also challenged people's notions of what a family is, should be, or could be. I know that it's been my friendships with QF mamas that has begun to change how I look at my own kids, and how I think of other people's families as well. I'm of a mind that a little tolerance goes a long way, and isn't a fresh outlook always a good thing?
So, maybe the truth is I'll be filing this all under "Things I haven't really figured out but will still blog about and hound Mr. P. about til that day I do clear the brain fog". Hey, that's even better tab! Let's go with that for now.

Til next squeak,

In the moment

Have you ever heard the phrase, "live for today"? What do you first think of when you hear it? I know that because of my personal background, living most of my life as an unbeliever, I tend to think of people who're out doing crazy stuff. Ya know, druggin', drinkin', skydivin'. Well, definitely the first 2 at least.
So now that I'm a Christian, how does my worldview change when I hear that phrase?

This morning, I was listening to Natalie Grant's song Live For Today. Funky huh, how these things work out?
Here's the lyrics:

Sittin' in my room staring at the wall
Wonderin' about the meaning of it all
Why is it this thing called life
Has got me goin' crazy
So I open up your word and let it speak to me
The purpose and the plan that you've designed
Is clear to see, and I believe

Chorus:I'm gonna live for today
I'm gonna follow in your way
I'm gonna let my little light shine
Like there's no tomorrow
I won't worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I'll choose to live my life one way
I'm gonna live it for today

You told me not to worry
About what lies ahead
So I am gonna focus on today instead
Making every moment count and counting
Every single blessing
I'm gonna set my mind on the
Here and the Now
This is what I want my life to be about
And this is How...

Good song huh? Look at what I've bolded. I think as Christians, maybe we should live in the moment a little more. I tend to think Christ did. He traveled all over the place, grabbed all kinds of people by the heartstrings, and really, who else changed this world like no other?
Think about what your day throws at you. I know mine can get beyond crazy. If we just take those moments to count the blessings, which I think is a big part of living for today, maybe we'll just find that God will douse us with an extra measure of grace to get through the day.
Think about it for a sec. What the nuttiest thing that happens where you can find a blessing? How about running out of toilet paper, "after the fact"? Yeah, you guys all know what I'm talkin' about. What if you looked at it as a few moments to praise Him for all those little blessings, totally uninterrupted, rather than a huge panicky inconvenience? Strange, yes, but worth it. If you look, you can find all kinds of moments like that in your day.
And hey, if your not a believer, still take that moment on the pot to contemplate your day! Because you never know what tomorrow may bring. It just may be that today is your last day as an unbeliever. Tomorrow might very well be the day that the one thing, one person, one event that'll change your mind will happen. And trust me, you'll never be the same again.
So let's take today and just live. You never know what may happen in the moment.

Til next squeak,