Still running for the cheese (or why this blog still exists)

As my regular readers can tell, this has been a dry year for me. Just look at the number of posts this year vs. 2008! Awhile back, I had considered either shutting down the Maze, or starting a new blog that would more accurately reflect where I am in life now. Truth be told, sometimes I come here, look around, and feel distinctly hypocrytical about the things I want to write. I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever be in that kind of place.
As the time in between posts has grown longer, I came to realize something. Without the past years' material, where I am now makes very little sense. What good is the destination without the journey? As Christians, so much of the best stuff that happens to us is in the times God is molding us to His image. To throw away the evidence of that process would somehow cheapen the result, I think.
So, here we are, dear friends. I think my little mousie may just have rounded a corner finally. Some things will change around here to reflect the changes in my heart. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I typically rage against anything changed in my life, I'm learning to accept the God-given ones. My prayer is that some of you may be encouraged by what you read here. Hey, you may even be challenged. And of course, if you know me, then you know you always stand a good chance of being offended too. Not intentionally, to be sure! Just know that what you find as you wander this Maze with me may surprise you as much as it does me.

All that to say this:

Welcome to

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The blessing of broke

We're dirt poor these next 2 weeks. Just a few years ago, this was pretty normal for us. Now? Oy. It's been difficult to come to terms with the state of our bank account, and the moths flying out of my wallet. OK so there's not really moths flying out of my wallet, actually I don't carry a wallet, but the imagery is there, yes?
On average, I spend $100 a week on groceries for this family, and that's not including our once-a-month trip to the butcher. So when we realized that not only would we have to bum some money off our relatives (thanks again, Mom and Di!), but that we were looking at a significantly smaller grocery budget, well, there was only one thing to do...
My first stop yesterday was Discount Food Outlet. I haven't shopped there in at least 4 years. And you know what? God gave me one shocker of a blessing in the midst of my discontent. While I was wandering the soda aisle, waiting for Mom to catch up, a memory of shopping there in my early years with Mr. P. just hit me like a ton of bricks. All the emotions of what it was like for us back then, with our boys being so small and still in diapers, our marriage still young and untainted by some of our later struggles, and just the raw love I had for the 3 of them flooded over me. Feeling quite foolish, I wiped my eyes as best I could, and continued on to the next aisle. I prayed silently, "Lord, what else do You have in store for me today, if You would have be brought to tears by a simple trip to DFO?"
After we left there, it was on to Aldi's. Again, another place I haven't set foot in or haven't even thought of in years. As I was picking out some of the boys' snack items and some canned gods, God decided it was time for another emotional bomb. Although I certainly didn't *feel* like I was better than anyone else, He showed me quite clearly that I carried that pride in my heart. That since Mr. P.'s promotion and all the stability it brought, I've slowly nurtured a spirit of pride, not in my husband, but in the material things we had begun to accumulate.
Bag Head
Yesterday I learned that there can be blessing in being knocked down a peg or two. Sometimes we need it. I know I can always count on the Lord to do so in a way that will leave me knowing what must be done and why, but also knowing that His love for me never changes. No matter how much I screw it up, or how hard I fall off that pedestal I've climbed, He's there to guide me back to where I need to be. And praise God for that!

Til next squeak,

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