A Sunday meme of sorts

This rather "deep" one is from Blog Talkers. #67, I might add. ;)

Be honest …
What is your most important goal in life? Why? (Please elaborate) How do you propose to get there? (Or how did you accomplish it). What sort of sacrifices will (or did) you have to make in order to achieve this goal? Once you’ve accomplished this goal, how will this change your life?

My most important goal in life was regaining custody of my kids. Yeah. Hands down, that was the single most important thing I have ever done. I think the why is pretty obvious but hey, let's define it, shall we? For one, it really confirmed to me that this life, this mommy-life, is truly what I wanted and needed. And for another, in a sick and strange way, it proved that whenever Mr. P. and I set our minds to something, we'll take everyone down 'til we get it done.
We worked our tails off, doing whatever DCF told us too. Jump? You got it! We didn't even ask how high, we just got to leapin'! It was the longest year and 27 days of my life, running on someone else's every whim like that.
I think the biggest sacrifice I personally made, aside from the obvious one of time in my kids lives' lost, was the idea that one day we'd have both sides of the family be able to mesh together happily, if only for the sake of the kids. Oh that went down the tubes quick. I rarely speak to my in-laws, and Mr. P. had to go through hell to get back in my mother's good graces. Really, that's not saying much though. I guess you'd have to know my mom.
The whole thing with having had the kids in foster care really changed my life in that I can't look at myself as a good mother, even though I *know* I am not that same person anymore. In my mind, I know I have worked hard, and come far to be this much better mother I am today. Tank will often say, "You're the best mommy we never had." Yeah, 4 year old speak. But in my heart, I still can't bring myself to feel like even a halfway decent mother. There's still that feeling of, "Well if you were a *good* mom, they never would've been taken in the first place." I guess time will heal that wound. I know the DCF case closing has at least scabbed it over. ;)

Til next squeak,